Sinderella (Love).

[QwarterZ]

Fuckin' Rugged, lol, this piece was dope as fuck
and that instrumental you wrote this too, rode nicely
I'm feeling ya on this one tho', I try to write shit like this sometimes
usually it comes off on some other shit, makes me want to catch up tho
this piece is flames tho', I'm feeling this one more then that other one

that outlaws shit was niiiiiiice sssssson

this piece needs a lotta love no doubt, RECORD IT

[JDR]

nice. Loved the rhyme scheme and topic. It did flow nicely with the instrumental you put up.

[complexity]

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Verse starts at 0:32 on video

Temptations like tracing paper, I'm drawn right in//
I got an open mind, so girls walk right in//
Head is spinning, fuck penicillin I need to find some Aspirin//
Haven't been in the driver seat for awhile, but I'm climbing back in//
Time for action, what's with the look if you don't mind me asking?//
Don't want in-laws, just wanna be out-laws n' commit crimes of passion//

[Stand out bar]

These girls are skitso, ha yeah, cuz I'm crazy bout em'//
Just trying to find the one n' pop a couple babies out em'//
Summertime by the pool, nothing but ladies lounging//
Get em' down to just their hairband, an I ain't talking 80's album//

[Good length of the rhyme scheme, solid concepts.]

Once their instrumental runs, my pencil moves//
Slide over girl, I got the wettest tongue, forget the lube//
I love the way these mountains set the sun, n' set the mood//
I love making love, sex is fun, jus' trying to get that one, n' crest the moon//
So hop in the car, let's bounce, you know I wanna get w/ you//
Jump in bed w/ you, don't worry I'm in no race, I'll never come ahead of you//

Let me bust some shots, turn broken condoms into exit wounds//

[Not really feeling this.]

Verse starts at 1:35 on video

Sitting at the park destroyed -- chillin' cuz ya heart is broke//
Ya kick it w/ all ya boys -- gettin' into party mode//
Women are the target point -- giggin' til' the bars are closed//
Stinking up the car w/ joints -- drift into the darkest smoke//
Listening to the art of noise, these are moments in love//
I don't fuck w/ dirt, won't ever find me going to clubs//
Find this poet at a house party, downstairs rolling a blunt//
Catching the eye of that girl by the door not holding a cup//
The slut's file in, smile n' give em' a hug, they to get buck wildin'//
But I just got that girl by the doors # n' now I'm at crib, drunk dialing//

[I think a lot of people can relate to that bar.]

Love, I know that shit by heart now, I know to just take my time//
My paints dry, now I have such a beautiful frame of mind//
So come on angel let me help you so both wings relax//
Then we can fly together, cuz you got me high as a kite right now, w/ no strings attached//

[Good wordplay]

You turn me on, got me blasting at a high volume//
Tell me when your phone is on vibrate so I can call you//

Verse starts at 2:32 on video

So many girls in-heat, pheromones knock me out-cold//
Girls stocked like Dow-Jones making loud moans, this calvrone'll make ya proud homez//
I should be down under, instead I'm a mile high, you know how "Rug be"//
Hoe-in the front seat, blowing a dutchy, know that she wants me//
Go n' get comfy, throw ya clothes on the love seat//
Know I'll rub ya toes, I love feet, wanna touch ya slow don't rush me//

[Nice story telling, within the story.]

Music playing on the stereo while she's jerking me off shit//
Her legs are a variable, but the curves are a con-stant//
These punks running bull like a matador, sporting rabid horns//

[Nice analogy]

Trying to pull down the red covers on this poor Capricorn//
She's got eyes like mountain stars, I can't ignore//
Shining down at me while we're making love on the bathroom floor//
When I get the one, Imma find my pride n' take a big drink//
Cuz if the water gets too deep, then the relation-ship'll sink//
N' even if it goes Titanic, whatever the reason be, Imma never stop being me// *lighter sparks*
N' that's ending on high note, playing on these Alicia Keys//

[Good finisher]

This girl's like holding diamonds to the sun...

Overall. The wordplay and metaphors were real nice. I felt the story was a bit soft, maybe could have been slightly more exciting in spots, but you wove in the story telling and the wordplay real nice, which I think is your true talent besides just being able to write a storm.