A shot at multies Critique Plz

[FlipSide]

I write scrips with ink pens thats filthy like pig-pens
And gett-ends so fre-quent Dat days end in sequence
when dreamin im skeemin to reflect my demons
A pictures vision in motion scripted with writtens
on a surface etched like the walls up in egypt
check out the reflex i reflect on rejects
i flip text like weed sets and cop em a nick bag
Packaged to manage the masses and salvage
These bastards in process thats born out of fallace
Begin the end whithin the men that lived to not pretend
to contend ta befriend those wishin my-end
Like robbin da-bank with the joker on batman
I craft plans and execute ta prove to these fools
that im more of a force than jedis in starwars
revivin the unlivened with a doctors presicion
Aligning the addicts that dosed his prescriptions
Like venus and saturn eclipsin the surface
A purchase that hurts kids like bullets thats loaded
Unguarded and left where its easy to find it
Rewind it off benches with bullshit like heinrich
i find rims like king james but far from a title
reciting with my range ta grab me a spot tho
Cuz im close to the top bout leveled with capos
No favors for assholes i spare those like two bowls
Hit bitches in two holes like an eagle by tiger

[Munteskue_lol]

this was pretty tight except a couple times the flow and structure fucked me up...
but this was hella koo and entertaining man!!

[trubblecleff]

i think u accomplished your goal

[QwarterZ]

Some of the rhymes don't seem to match up
I mean if you say them they prolly do! which I get
and I like, so in thorough detailing and more
I see you accomplished your point, I see it as practice
so there's not much to say but keep trying and work harder
mixing multi's together to work in unison is hard at times simply because you use more and more words
but you did your thing
if this was like a freestyle or somethin' it would be sick!!!!!!

like a REAL freestyle, just cypherin' or whatever...keep writing!

[FlipSide]

Yeah..thats where im trying to get at..where i can spit like this off the top.. just gotta keep makin more material... I was kinda confused wit the concept of multies..i just needed to make shure i had the concept right... Now i can put it to use...I think itll help the fluidity of ma audio as long as i can shorten the bars.. a lil
Thanks for peepin fellas.. much appreciated and as always ill be returnin the favor

-- Wed May 26, 2010 6:54 am --

Hey qwarter... u mean by using multiple multies as in

Bla Bla..(multi 1) bla bla (Multi2) Bla..(Multi 1) bla bla bla (Multi 2) ?

My bad shits got me feelin a lil retarded...i tried to do that on a couple bars..but i didnt want to overburden my limited skills lol

[Loon E Lou]

this shit was ku dawg. it sounded like you already knew what u were doin. alot better than i can roll with. i think this the type of shit that separates artists. its not like u were bullshitin wit rymes either. nearly every line had meaning which was dope. i liked this dawg

[Lawgix]

most of them weren't multies... fre-quent isn't a multi 2, 3, or 4 different words that rhyme are multies...

molding the sand
holding your hand

^^^ considered a multie go to the link posted below... plex posted this a while back but its still really good information for people tryin to step up there game... the rest of Center Of Elevation is also a good tool to elevate people... i've seen it happen...

http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/force ... t3040.html