"see this day" real emotional song- feedback is appreciated

[Rec]

DivShare File - see this day.mp3
if you didnt know im thirteen

i'd love feedback

[QwarterZ]

sup Justin Beiber

[Rec]

i hate when people compare me to him, i look like him too, but hes a few years older than me

[QwarterZ]

I know just giving you a hard time bro

this was decent, I'd up the vocals a bit
you got some talent tho', don't let the disses get to you
they just mad cuz people like us put in a lot of work
keep doing you!

[Munteskue_lol]

It was koo for thirteen.

See this is my advice... cause listen dude, I'll prolly never make a career out of rap unless I get lucky and meet someone pretty quick here cause it takes TIME to get a deal and good production quality and talent.

Your vocals are hella clear which is better than I can say for myself, but hey I got shitty equipment.

You're hella quit and hella monotonous dawg and if you don't know what the means your voice sounds like you're reading me a school essay. That's no hate dogg, but if it's so emotional of a song, put some emotion into it.

Lyrics are fine, especially for 13 they're really good. Plus you can't really hate too much on lyrics... if they're original and come from the heart, they'll end up sounding good. I'd throw some more multis and metaphors in though.

Work on your flow. Everyday- even if you aren't recording, just freestyle dogg let it flow and who cares who hears you or judges you.. pretty soon you'll sound so filthy people will be judging you in a good way. just look at shit around you and flow with it. Like right now..

I'm doing my laundry at a laundromat
Listening to my song beat of my song brought it back
I forgot my mobile phone I wish I woulda thoughta that
And all of this is straight off of the top just like a bottle cap

And just speak it dogg, and just flow and practice till your shit will sound hot, trust me.

I'd use different beats. I'm not positive, but pretty sure you downloaded/ did the pro tool thing... don't do that man... it won't sound fresh and won't catch attention.
Overall though, good shit and I hope to hear more from you.

-- Wed May 19, 2010 4:57 pm --

and I meant quiet not quit when i said you sound hella quit