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Sand Paper

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The Gonz
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Sand Paper

Post by The Gonz »

A long day full of appointments and pills/
He loves his job but the voices have poisoned the thrill/
Examining patients to pinpoint a sickness/
But their delusions grew and created voids in his business/
Annoyed with the wishes his patients produce/
Tracing the roots of their illness to awaken the truth/
He takes the abuse, overworked so he's bringing it home/
Locks the door and then hears a ring from the phone/
Rotates the keys once more, sprints to receive it/
The news enters his ear and for an instant he's speechless/
He can't begin to believe it, his brother has died/
The pain is so sharp, it's like something ruptured inside/
He covers his eyes, his palms absorb the liquid/
Cursing the Lord for making him a war statistic/
Tortured with the guilt, his thoughts run short/
Wrenching his brain until it's lost and warped/
He hops in his car, presses the clutch and ignition/
Turns on the wipers but its the tears obstructing his vision/
No more trust in religion, he heads to the bar/
Thinking a few drinks will help with mending the scars/
Liquor enters his heart, he can't open his eyes/
Stumbles to his car, finds his keys and goes for a drive/
No one in sight, floors it, he's rather die than deal/
Cries conceal the road as he sleeps behind the wheel/

To be continued...
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- Mutual -
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Re: Sand Paper

Post by - Mutual - »

the mutlies was nice the flow was very consistent the vocab was nice with it some nice similes and metas in there overall i like this piece strong rhyming and you executed it well look forward to the next part
The Eagerness Is Putrid My Fluids Acid Leaves You Vexed Like Black Holes
Your Inept To Correct Stretched Like Fat Folds Perplexed Like Castro
I'm So Tenacious With Rhymes Sensatious So Patient With Lines
While You Fill Your Writtens With Filler And So Stay Vacant In Mind
I'm Amiable But Too Your Haters I Appease Your Arcane Admissions
Dark Games No Vision Your Avarice Lead To Scarred Shamed Partitions
So Callous In His Candor You Have To Coerce For Neglect
For Worse Or For Best I'm Confidant With A Verse Of Respect

!!ILLEST MINDS!!
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Riggz
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Re: Sand Paper

Post by Riggz »

always a smooth flow from you Ruck...
"He hops in his car, presses the clutch and ignition/
Turns on the wipers but its the tears obstructing his vision/
No more trust in religion, he heads to the bar/
Thinking a few drinks will help with mending the scars/" -- still writin' personal stories and shit. Nice my man.
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aka aL-b
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REBIRTH of the FIGHT CLUB... Say it with me!
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DaPrince
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Re: Sand Paper

Post by DaPrince »

Damn, your flow is on point as always and the at this point it's a given that you're gonna have dope multi's but really pulled me into this piece was the imagery and story-telling. By the 4th bar I was invested in what was happening and wanted to keep reading. Riggz pointed out the lines that I would have quoted but the whole piece is good. Nice to see your back.
I don't drop rhymes all the time, but when I do, I prefer to spit fire
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MOEstradamus
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Re: Sand Paper

Post by MOEstradamus »

good shit bro always love readin ur shit no homo nice flow all around solid verse
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Def-init
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Re: Sand Paper

Post by Def-init »

Ayo,
This piece hit home wit me man.
Totally feelin it.
GREAT piece. great wording.
Lots of substance. I gotta read it again. Nice fam!
- If I can't bend Heaven, I shall move Hell. -
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Munteskue1
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Re: Sand Paper

Post by Munteskue1 »

Lol @ Definit

but damn dude you are good you could sell your lyrics to professional rappers and get signed to sony or some shit
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