i just need some honest feedback

[mz_yella]

Inviciable to the invisiable laughing at the dispicable
you can tell from each syllabe im no longer hospitable
going againest me is critical ill make you look pitiful
when i get lyrical and flip it like reciprocal
if you choose to hate i wont hesitate to incenarate
with bombs i generate that'll make your body disengrate
ima savage animal ill rip your face you wont have a chance to recipcate
im the angel of death face your fate u just a snack off my dinner plate
i waste no energy going at you physically
im like aids in africa you'll never get rid of me
im on my grown woman theres no kid in me
im as real as it gets thats something you'll never be

[Loon E Lou]

ku for what it is. sounds like sumtn id hear rapped. all in all tho. real ku read

[Quix]

nviciable to the invisiable laughing at the dispicable
you can tell from each syllabe im no longer hospitable
going againest me is critical ill make you look pitiful
when i get lyrical and flip it like reciprocal

This was worded extremly well and your multies were on .. however it is still a pretty common rhyme scheme. Try to find more original multies.

if you choose to hate i wont hesitate to incenarate
with bombs i generate that'll make your body disengrate

I really liked that ^ flowed nice ... nothing amazing tho

ima savage animal ill rip your face you wont have a chance to recipcate
im the angel of death face your fate u just a snack off my dinner plate

flowed decent .. content pretty basic tho very average bar

i waste no energy going at you physically
im like aids in africa you'll never get rid of me
im on my grown woman theres no kid in me
im as real as it gets thats something you'll never be

Mah favorite part ^^ flow was ILL and it came across HARD!


overall .. just try to up your vocab but you have an A for potential for sho girly!

[Haz]

Inviciable to the invisiable laughing at the dispicable
you can tell from each syllabe im no longer hospitable
going againest me is critical ill make you look pitiful
when i get lyrical and flip it like reciprocal
if you choose to hate i wont hesitate to incenarate
with bombs i generate that'll make your body disengrate
ima savage animal ill rip your face you wont have a chance to recipcate
im the angel of death face your fate u just a snack off my dinner plate
i waste no energy going at you physically
im like aids in africa you'll never get rid of me
im on my grown woman theres no kid in me
im as real as it gets thats something you'll never be




I Feel Like This verse Was Hard as Fuck lol. It Was Weaved Together Pretty Nice .. Solid. Liked the Transition of Single words To Multis,
This Held Potential, you Should Extend it .. U Def Got Potential

Stay Up N Keep Droppin

[mz_yella]

thanks for the feedback...i will most def keep striving to get better...

[Riggz]

I'm with Toyh,
Honestly Shorty, the guys are being soft on you cause if any of the above cats would've came with this type of flow (in text style) it would be slept on, ignored, and possibly considered below average.

I'd suggest focus less on 3 syllable words and try putting together 3-4 word phrases that flow. For example (just dabbling here: "No ruses or rubric, my noose is a pencil
Crew thick, one of few to use his potential"

Like TOYH said, rhyming your last word in the bar is considered basic. To elevate, you'll need to go deeper into "phrasing".

Keep at it Shortee... you have potential.