Just Testin

[SoulRite]

some of these rappers..
are Frameless-n-Offsets but i'll Place-Em-In-Boxes
with Claims-n-The-Art-Sketch usin' my Game-As-My-Offense
i Blaze-Paths dePraved-Last of played n Fake-Raps,
from Waist-Jabs i Claim-Cats deFaced n Lay-Tached
no Lesser-Than-Bad i'll "plus" on a Negative-Cat
havin Letters-Detach my enemies with Effortless-Raps
im Severin-Cats with posts without Effort-Attached
steppin to me? you better be Ready-To-Scrap//

Just Some Quick Lines
http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/may-c ... ml?style=5

[RainMan]

Amazing man, The flows very well

Good job

[SoulRite]

Thanks Man

I Gotta Put A Link I Think

[SoulRite]

Oh Aight, Im Startin To Like It Here

[complexity]

Oh Aight, Im Startin To Like It Here

Give me 5 minutes.

-- Mon Nov 30, 2009 3:10 pm --

some of these rappers..
are Frameless-n-Offsets but i'll Place-Em-In-Boxes
with Claims-n-The-Art-Sketch usin' my Game-As-My-Offense

Wordplay is good. In general, this is a nonsensical line, without the idea that boxes are frames and that games have offense. Thus meaning that people can not take a way the full concept of the bar. In my opinion, you crammed too many ideas into them lines.

i Blaze-Paths dePraved-Last of played n Fake-Raps,
from Waist-Jabs i Claim-Cats deFaced n Lay-Tached
no Lesser-Than-Bad i'll "plus" on a Negative-Cat
havin Letters-Detach my enemies with Effortless-Raps


No. Rhyming the same set of multis can be incredible effective, but in this case it wasn't. They were so obviously strung together out of necessity and lack of an alternative rhyme. I don't even know what plus on a negative cat means, care to tell me or is that just to add additional intricacy to the bar?

im Severin-Cats with posts without Effort-Attached
steppin to me? you better be Ready-To-Scrap//

Finally. You clearly made a point on this bar, albeit, it was your simplest bar.

Just Some Quick Lines
http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/may-c ... html/quote]

I think that you have a lot of work to do. If you are willing to take one piece of advice that will help you exponentially in your writing capabilities, then listen.

When you're writing bars, you come up with a rhyme, second guess it, think of a better one, because the first instinct isn't always the best when writing, its just the first instinct. There is always a better way to write a bar, there is a mistake or something missing in 90 percent of them, whether your Ruckus, Joe Budden, Nas, or Eminem. When you get better at writing, you just learn to hide them imperfections.

You have a grasp of what you're suppose to do rapping. Now, its time to press on the accelerator and start writing a lot.

[QwarterZ]

Hmmm...well what can I say?

you went off a bit
then you messed up the shit
but I won't complain kid
you got skills did what you did
now reply to my work biiiitch....

I was kiddin'...u don't need to peep my work

[The Gonz]

A rather short piece, but it was pretty good. I'm a fan of multies, which you clearly gear your style towards. However, I felt like a lot of your rhymes were forced. I think you could put a lot more wit and creativity into your rhyme selection. You've got the flow down, which is actually one of the biggest hurdles for cats these days. The shit was good, but it can still use some polishing. Work on some vocab, boost your verbal arsenal, keep using them multies, but get the shit down to the point where you can convey a real message effectively. I think you have mad potential, you just need some polishing.

I am a bit flattered though that Plex mentioned me along side Nas and Eminem. Joe has his moments, but this isn't the place for that lol. Keep doing yer thing, man. You can always peep my work for guidance lol.

[-MenaCe-]

Im feelin this short lil drop...good shit keep em comin



Fav Line:

Blaze-Paths dePraved-Last of played n Fake-Raps,
from Waist-Jabs i Claim-Cats deFaced n Lay-Tached