critique my first drop on site

[Webbz]

Let me know what yall think about my first drop on this site, just something quick.


Its Webbz Bitch And Im Bringin In A New Wave Of Game//
Im Like Seasons.. Forever Changin' While Yall Stay The Same//
Make Ya Bitch Say My Name While You Fuckin Wit My Seconds//
If 'Being A Pussy' Was A Class Dawg You Could Teach The Lessons//
I Beat Bitches Down Like Layla Ali While Im Blazin My Leafs//
See Your Like Stephon Mauburry.. Nigga Cant Stay Wit The Team//
Give It Up Man, You Cant See My Shit Like I Done Flushed It//
Come Get Stucked Kid & Not Even Pepto Will Help Ya Gut Bitch//
Yall Niggas Easy.. Like Ray Allens Free Throws.. Weak Hoes//
See Imma Just Say Bye & Move On To New Bills Like T.O//


Hit me up, criticism is always taken as constructive criticism. 1

[Cuttin P]

Welcome cuzzo! 1st things 1st. You gotta give feedback to another drop before postin your drop. And you must post ya feedback link in your drop. I'll definately give u feed but AFTER you give feed elsewhere and post ya link.

[Webbz]

My fault bro, here ya go.


http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/jus-b ... 12604.html

[Cuttin P]

^thanks mayne!

Feedback time

I like the flow of ya verse. Nice and steady, content wise it's okay. a few lines I like such as the maurberry line and that t.o. Shit. A lot of it was somewhat filler-like. It read like an audio drop in my view. Anyways, decent job here man! Show me what else ya got in ya arsenal!

[TreTru]

this was aight homey..a couple a good concepts ..a bit a filler
only prob to me is theres alot of similies..some people like that alot
but i personally try to keep it between 1 every 2 bars at most..
that's just IMO..anyway this was a...

good drop though..i like ya rhyme scheme/structure...1

[SubstanZ]

i think tha drop was dun up nice...im new here myself so my feed mite not b helpful but u def had good structure n flow. i agree on tht TO line it was ill. cood prolly work on ya metaphors n multis a lil more but agen im new here so i cood b wrong..anyways i liked it n keep writin n as long as u put ya hart into it nobody can say tht u aint doin ya thang

[The Gonz]

Come Get Stucked Kid & Not Even Pepto Will Help Ya Gut Bitch

^Lol

Overall, not too bad. Had good flow, could easily be spit over a track. Fairly consistent with the punches and similies. Nothing ground breaking, but it didn't suck lol. Keep posting, if anything, do some audios.

[PIRATEPRODUCTIONS]

yeah this was quite good, there was presence and skillz but it was exactly what ud expect in a 1st verse

i wqould reccomend working on increasing ya vocabulary and wordplay to really bring interest into a written punchline