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Cosmic Dust · Post by **Cosmic Dust** » Fri Mar 20, 2009 1:27 pm

My heart stays weighted, mind meditated,
Thoughts I've created left my soul levitated,
But jaded...Faded,
Pumped with caffeine but heavily sedated,
Torn by emotion, mind and body completely separated,
Deflated..Unrelated,
Two entities never associated.

Aite hope y'all enjoyed-Hit me up with some feedback please. Peace. X

ugly · Post by **ugly** » Fri Mar 20, 2009 8:45 pm

Not long nuff, I feelin it too. Your consistantcy stood out in this piece but I feel let down cuz the concept was personal and I like them kinds of drops. But with a personal piece you gotta go deeper than this, like pull that shit out

overall: 3/10

B-Bear · Post by **B-Bear** » Sat Mar 21, 2009 3:58 am

should put this in the poem section .. more of a poem then a verse IMO

GrimBlaze · Post by **GrimBlaze** » Sun Mar 22, 2009 1:35 am

yeah i was feelin it too but its way too short...it would be a nice intro to some real emotional drop but i would need to see more before i could give you some real feedback..
keep droppin.

Haze · Post by **Haze** » Sun Mar 22, 2009 4:31 am

same dude was feeling it but needed to be longer, tell more of the story

The Gonz · Post by **The Gonz** » Sun Mar 22, 2009 5:27 am

Way too short. This is like a piece of scrap paper from a rhyme book. Rhyme scheme was mediocre, lacked complexity. I'm not a fan of the 'ated or 'ation rhyme schemes. I liked where you were heading, but you decided to cut it. Save what you have and add to it, could turn out pretty dope.

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