Country Mouse, City Roach

Glamtrash · Post by **Glamtrash** » Fri Dec 05, 2008 3:29 pm

Not quite a scripture, but I'm getting closer.

The particular meaning of the piece that I'm writing
inspires even the calmest to a mood for fighting.
Farmer battles banker, I'm sure you can relate to them,
each intently focused on their business of creme.
Compelled to fight one another, and all in the land
tremble with the weight of this written blocked hand.
The farmer delivers blows with his weather worn fists,
while the banker sub-contracts to those who'll enlist.
And the war will rage,
For page after page,
Until they've expressed the inner conflict for the industrial age.

These lines are not for the weak of heart,
The speaker parts.
The cloth laid asunder will force the wisest to blunder,
and admit that even words can rumble like thunder.
The man out working farms, works with the man with suited arms,
to find a solution, to their combined prosecution.

Nothing too sacred, meets nothing too hallow.
The working class meets the gentle, each thinks the other is shallow.
Don't be fooled by the farming mans mud caked appearance,
For he may have turned to the banker's way if given the chance for experience.
So the banker, sitting at his desk, ponders the desperate loan,
Thinks once of an impoverished friend, before denying the farmer, packing up and flying home.

Ambiguous Realm · Post by **Ambiguous Realm** » Sun Dec 07, 2008 3:28 am

i liked it, brought me back to history for a minute, i liked how u rhymed in this one, haha, i dont read much poetry, except for my own but i hardly do much anymore, n e ways it was good, the title suits it perfectly as well

- Mutual - · Post by **- Mutual -** » Tue Dec 09, 2008 6:27 am

yeah this wasnt bad
thats comin from me i dont really like poetry particularly
except rap but this was quite good i liked it brought me back to old shit
keep'em comin

Haz · Post by **Haz** » Wed Dec 10, 2008 1:24 am

Yo!!...

You Used a MULTI!....
This was Deffo Fire.. FOr The Simple Fact... You Kill't The Topic...
Still Poetic.. But you Rhymed Which Was Cool, It's NIce Seein a Style Flip..
Your a Good Writer...Real Good Writer....
But You Used a Multi!! Lmfao...

How you Built The Piece Was Nice... From Openin To End...
Theres Alot Of Room To Improve Cause Theres Always Room FOr Improvement.
Therefore I'm Lookin Forward To your NExt Drop..

These lines are not for the weak of heart,
The speaker parts.
The cloth laid asunder will force the wisest to blunder,
and admit that even words can rumble like thunder.
The man out working farms, works with the man with suited arms,
to find a solution, to their combined prosecution.

My Fav Piece ^ For Some reason..
GOod Stuff

Kurse · Post by **Kurse** » Thu Dec 11, 2008 4:37 pm

What I get out of this is the Epic battle between the common blue collar worker versus the pompous white collar 6-figure executive.
And it's not a bad tale either, considering how it's being told.
A thin line between poetry and spittable lyrics.
Technically...."Floetry"

I know lately you've somewhat feel like you've "lost your touch"...but I don't think so. Sometimes as writers, we come across down-sides where we either hit "the block" or the material just isn't flowing out of us as potent as it usually does. So if anything...you're just going through a spell.

Your writing is still great, and far above par. But this particular piece wasn't your greatest. It didn't have that same intellectual flare, dominant vocabulary and witty impact that most of material provides. It's almost as if you struggled to polish the lines/bars.

Like you'd start off strong on some like you normally would. Nice choice of words, and poetically descriptive...
...but then you'd finish the thought really ammatuer.
For example...

"The cloth laid asunder will force the wisest to blunder,"
(great line, solid vocab...started strong!)
"...and admit that even words can rumble like thunder."
(ended real basic. This isn't signature DubFL...see what I'm talkin about though?)

I'm sure your next drop will be balls out! These spells don't last long, and in no way am I sayin this one isn't good. I just don't think in handles well compared to what youve done, and knowing what you're capable of doing.

Glamtrash · Post by **Glamtrash** » Sat Dec 13, 2008 2:36 pm

Thanks guys. Much appreciated. (I seriously hope you're right about it being just a spell dude)

Lmao. Haz, you're hilarious.

Brah-Vo · Post by **Brah-Vo** » Sat Dec 13, 2008 3:36 pm

I actually really enjoyed this. The underlying message of how Man is willing to turn against man for a profit really mirrors how society functions nowadays.

The page after page line and the industrial age ender to the first stanza ( i dunno if u intended this) indicates how it won't really end. Because industry will continue to grow throughout time no matter what happens.

"The cloth laid asunder will force the wisest to blunder,
and admit that even words can rumble like thunder.
The man out working farms, works with the man with suited arms,
to find a solution, to their combined prosecution. "

Diplomacy and negotiations can rock the world! Everyone wants and needs the same thing, but being so blinded by envy and profiteering we can see how the two rivers dont meet at the sea.

"Nothing too sacred, meets nothing too hallow.
The working class meets the gentle, each thinks the other is shallow.
Don't be fooled by the farming mans mud caked appearance,
For he may have turned to the banker's way if given the chance for experience.
So the banker, sitting at his desk, ponders the desperate loan,
Thinks once of an impoverished friend, before denying the farmer, packing up and flying home."

here you bring alot of good emotion, immersing us into the situation the farmer and the banker are in.
You feel for the farmers desperation, and you kind of loathe the banker for being so... inconsiderate and only worrying about his own needs and how judgmental he is. But you also say we shoudlnt be so harsh, because who's to say the farmer wouldn't do the same thing in the bankers situation.
Again here you explore the idea of profiteering that occurs day to day.

Conclusion: i dont know if even half the stuff i said was intended but thats what i got out of it. The mssage was clear, thought out and well executed. Poetry isnt always about emotion but it still managed to find it's way in there giving the reader a chance to empathise with both sides of the spectrum.

Mad props, yo.

|.R.SON.aLL.| · Post by **|.R.SON.aLL.|** » Sat Dec 13, 2008 4:12 pm

i Liked Readin` This ..
i Don`t Really Read yo Shit ..
But When i Do it`s Almost Always Pretty Nice ..

This Shit Stood Out in Mah Mind Tho ..

And the war will rage,
For page after page,
Until they've expressed the inner conflict for the industrial age.

These lines are not for the weak of heart,
The speaker parts.

^^ That Shit Was Fuckin` Dope How U Put it ..
Esp. Tha Last Two Lines ..
idk Why i Love it, But Tha Way U Worded it Came Off Sick ..

Glamtrash · Post by **Glamtrash** » Wed Dec 17, 2008 1:57 am

Thanks for the feed guys, I'll get at something of yours soon.

Arvincible · Post by **Arvincible** » Wed Dec 17, 2008 7:58 pm

dang this was cool lol

i havent read dc for a while but its good to see ur still rollin with ur passion

The working class meets the gentle, each thinks the other is shallow.

^^ I loved that line, because that correlation works for a lot of relationships haah

Country Mouse, City Roach

Country Mouse, City Roach

Who is online