I act impatient tired of waiting and pacing like fuck it i don't got the time/
i lost my mind been doing fine but half the time i feel crippled like a shot in spine/

^^nice structure with wordplay and metaphors here^^

-- Fri Dec 09, 2011 10:03 am --

thoughts i mod-i-fied like god i tried but ...

Enjoyed the read!!

Thank you

-- Sun Dec 04, 2011 10:12 pm --

Advice for improvement?

-- Sun Dec 04, 2011 10:52 pm --

been told i an't shit cuz i'mma nigger/
ma classmates 'freaked' thinkin i'd pull a trigger/

witnessing 'snarles and sneers/
from ignorant drunks downin beers/

hurt feelin's of segra-gation/
i'm ...

I'm living in Maine...where shi* can make anyone go insane/
I receive 'dirty looks'... which makes me wanna throw hooks/

I'm like a 'alien' to some whites...leavin em 'spooked' like dark nights/
I've tried being 'nice'...sometimes feelin within a 'vice/

I'm here in a ghost town...where there's ...

This is very deep.I almost can feel the pain in your words.