thanks a lot man.

changed it up again. did a lotta reworking on it. this is a toughy to pull off man.

i changed it up a bit here. took some lines out that i didn't feel.

ahhh... alright then.

well this is a very simple piece. pretty deep concept but for JUST getting back into it... it's wasn't terrible. obviously could be brushed up on.

what i suggest is the try not to be too simplistic with wording and rhyming. obviously don't try to be dope in a week or so but ...

<r>i tried something pretty different. something way more over exaggerated than usual and somewhat humorous but i relied on rhyme schemes for this one.<br/>
<br/>
I vomit nails and I spit cancer<br/>
With one look I’ll give more viruses than strip dancer<br/>
I play piano where the keys are ...

wasn't bad. weak in some parts but somewhat strong in others. i picked up on the flow so it's a good sign. other than the weak spots, i feel this wasn't bad at all bro. keep up the work. i'll be looking out for more stuff.

very simplistic but it seems like you're a beginner. honestly i can't tell. i don't know whether to review this as a beginner's post or an advanced writer's post. tell me and i'll get ya some feed.

not bad but pretty stale imo. wording was good and rhyme scheme was good but i just can't help not to feel a topic that's overdone. it wasn't bad but it just isn't my type. if you have a topic like this, for me it's either dope or nope. there has to be something... hmm... special with it that ...

it was hard for me to follow but i assume the commas are where the lines end.

the message got across well but it felt plain. it needs more "decoration." flowed decently too. the word usage was good but nothing awesome.

are you new to writing? i can't judge heavily for it because we've all been ...

the crisp new jeans line and the loose fit line was my favorite as well. just flowed so f*cking smoothly.

this was an alright piece. worth the read. reminds me of an old school vid mixed with a new school style of writing. keep it up man.

no, this is not going in the same direction as dance with the devil by immortal technique. i actually had similar rhymes for this verse but i had to take them out since they had the same ideas as the song. it was pretty frustrating but i think it came out good. i'll hopefully write the 2nd verse ...

thanks a lot guys. glad to take some advice. but what do you mean by forcing? never really caught on.

i changed the 2 lines. i think i know what you guys mean.

<r><URL url="http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/gettin-better-vt20633.html#p163293"><LINK_TEXT text="http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/getti ... ml#p163293">http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/gettin-better-vt20633.html#p163293</LINK_TEXT></URL><br/>
<URL url="http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/worst ...

simplistic but kinda worth the read. flow was easy to pick up on. topic was good man. some lines weren't all there tho. i couldn't feel the piece too much but i found it decent.

keep writing dude.

nothing great. but since you're improving dude, for your standards i'd say it pretty good. too simple, but no one can really talk since we've all been here.

keep writing bro. i'd like to hear more stuff from you.