yo

[jiro]

when i sleep, i stay awake and play inside my head.
the same way when im awake i sleep like im in bed.
and when im dead,....ill ressurect as a head of lettuce
and maybe then ill let us be friends.
a sick sentance descended ever since my sixth sense sensed it.
now its commenced as my condensed six cents on existence.
but keep rappin bout ya benz kid,
but dont kid thinkin its worth more then a tenth of what my scripts did.
Cuz i be the pale impaler;
that'll impair your parents payroll with uncomparable parables.
And i are night and day;
the knight of igniting ways never seen in the likes today.
now, i dont wanna lose a tooth.. or my head
to the same people that give us cigarettes
but i have truth tourettes
they take our bets and then they rig the deck
they have all the money and its not a coincidence

if you see the signs, follow them and you will go behind
to a place were you can see, forever never blind
believe and be live

[MonuMental]

Right off the bat, this newcomer is noticable. I actually dug this style/technique, bruh. It's as though I don't see it very often, and alot of it was pretty tight. Despite the structuring being odd to me, I like it. Drop some more, but remember to feed two pieces to every one dropped. Rules and all that. Stay up.

[Arcane]

Yeah, I'm with Monu.
This structure your using is really rare, and not easy at all to pull off either. takes time to get used to. Its really original i loved that about this whole drop. i'm definitely gonna be looking for more of your peices man. keep at it

[probablyTreed]

you had me at truth tourettes!
how original!

i agree with these guys here, stick around and keep that skill!

[AntiMaTTer]

a sick sentance descended ever since my sixth sense sensed it.
now its commenced as my condensed six cents on existence.
but keep rappin bout ya benz kid,
but dont kid thinkin its worth more then a tenth of what my scripts did.
Cuz i be the pale impaler;
that'll impair your parents payroll with uncomparable parables.
And i are night and day;
the knight of igniting ways never seen in the likes today.
now, i dont wanna lose a tooth.. or my head


these lines are the ones that to me stood out. shits str8 but you can elevate a lot more if you stay wit it

[jiro]

hey,thanks guys...helps alot
id like to know the definition of structure your using
will help me understand what your trying to point out
do you mean scheme?
it is cut and paste of different rythmes iv made... i would not lay the post in a track like it is
but the first post would be my foundation of my rep here..so i wanted to make it as a real representation of me as i could..
neway..thanksvm 4 replys it is rare i obtain feedback on my rythmes..
edit: also monu..please clarify what u mean of two feeds for each drop..i have a idea of what u mean but i want 2 make sure it is correct so i can respect the etiquette