Right and wrong

Expand your artistic ability through poetry and story telling. Poetry has been given new life ever since the inception of hip hop. Relax for a minute and explore your poetic side here.

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32neilz
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Right and wrong

Post by 32neilz »

My first attempt at poetry, feedback would be appreciated.


What's right or wrong,
Is it right or wrong to go to war for oil?
What's right or wrong,
It's it right or wrong to aggresively step foot on foreign soil?
What's wrong or right,
Is it wrong or right to help the less wealthy?
What's wrong or right,
Is it wrong or right to sacrifice others so you stay healthy?
None of us truly know what's right or wrong or 
Wrong or right, so
We go through life keeping sight, on
The simplest ways to avoid all strife, 
Regardless of whether it's wrong or right, good or bad, 
It don't matter to us
We all end up facing the light,
Some work 9-5, in life, others
Sell drugs and fight, 
You tell me, what's wrong and what's right//

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Grim
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Re: Right and wrong

Post by Grim »

the idea,concept,were there for sure...like the quedstion aspect...not sure if you need the wrong or right part inbetween each time you say is it wrong or right too...it's like you ask twice each time....but other then that i love this idea and remember poetry is more rigid in structure so it should be tighter...but really not bad bro...poetry is about imagery too so try to paint a vivid picture of what you r talking about...i like to see more from you
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Glamtrash
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Re: Right and wrong

Post by Glamtrash »

Yeah it's a little simle and reetitive, but it's got otential. Think more creative and try again.

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Mitty
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Re: Right and wrong

Post by Mitty »

What's right? What's wrong? who decides I wanna know/
This life is like one big jump you gotta make..geronimo!/
Any decision is better than none, you can be whatever under the sun/
The moon the stars or what have you, opportunities don't just grab you/
It's when preparation meets timing stab it before it stabs you/
Because when it gets you IT GETS YOU and leaves marks like it bit you/
We are products of our environment all the way down to the tissue/
It's when we accept the reality and make the best we settle all issues/
Or fight to contest as one, if you're with me then I'm with you/

You feel what I'm saying?
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32neilz
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Re: Right and wrong

Post by 32neilz »

Nice bro

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Mitty
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Re: Right and wrong

Post by Mitty »

Thanks yo. Plenty more where that came from.
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Poe-It
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Re: Right and wrong

Post by Poe-It »

pretty nice for a new piece concept was sick wish you woulda went more into it but cant wait for you're next one

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