Enlightend Rhyme

Drop your written rhymes in one of the largest collections of original rhymes on the internet. The feedback in our Written Rhymes section will simply amaze you.

Moderators: Loon E Lou, Enlightend

Post Reply
User avatar
Elite Freestyler
Posts: 274
Joined: Wed Oct 08, 2008 9:48 am
Wins: 3
Losses: 3
Location: Toronto

Enlightend Rhyme

Post by Def-init »

As the horizon shines from the subsiding tides,
my mind rises upon the isles of time!

While they Slip away,
the stars, the days.
Stripes sway,
behind bars, the shame.
My days, lay this way.
At night, dismay.
The rage stays.
In sight, my way.


Tossin cigar bands,
gettin cash in hand,
and silence on witness-stands.
Is the law of the land!

With sleight of hand,
I'll even fuck forgotten fans
in soft glands,
While doin the chrome dance
on homelands of hot sands!


Im a masterful riptide and eradicator.
My damned flow, dark-sides of a lightsaber!
Im a hateful creature, fuckin reachin to beat you,
with blades of steel, puffin reefer and voodoo.
Im a serpent turnin blunt trauma into seizures.
Spittin vibrant movements in Ancient-Hebrew.

While brutally pontificating poetically,
I spit parasitic and prolific shit,
terrifically! Eventually...
...my terror'll rip spines vertically,
Cuz a wolf-pack's ballads are apart of me.
As it bestows black blood in my arteries!!!
God-speed the gears of war and sodomy,
See, a lot depends on me.

Like laughter at the weak or slaughter for sheep!
or bartering with reapers during eternal sleep!
It seems this pain's technique is oblique.
The looming shriek's unique and skin-deep!
So to speak, it echo's bleak in Ancient Greek.
Also wrecks any physique, reachin the highest peaks.

It flows outta brass-tips and poison penmanship.
It's coke on airstrips. It's rockets from warships.
It's a glock's hand-grip, clip, horsewhip
and Saint-ship from snuff on an 8mm filmstrip.

http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/ambit ... ml#p189717
http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/frees ... ml#p189716
- If I can't bend Heaven, I shall move Hell. -

Poetically Speaking
Posts: 429
Joined: Fri Jun 03, 2011 9:33 am
Wins: 17
Losses: 3
Location: Boston MA

Re: Enlightend Rhyme

Post by Enlightend »

I read the first 2 bars/verses more like a poem more then a rap... not bad.. real smooth but could have more depth and emotion based on the topic... then the last verses were more in depth and more lyrical... but the rhymes schemes didnt work well... see potential here though so keep up

also be sure to read the rules and post links to feed within 24hrs.. or this topic will be closed and moved until links are sent to me
[center]-The Elitists-[/center]

User avatar
Rap Professional
Posts: 1688
Joined: Thu Oct 29, 2009 7:01 am
Wins: 4
Losses: 9

Re: Enlightend Rhyme

Post by QwarterZ »

This was a cool piece, I like the beginning it gives it a eerie vibe
I feel like the idea you brought would make like a great intro
and the beat just kicks in when you start kicking your verses
which seems like a good idea, either way keep writing my dude
nice lil' drop right here

User avatar
Elite Freestyler
Posts: 274
Joined: Wed Oct 08, 2008 9:48 am
Wins: 3
Losses: 3
Location: Toronto

Re: Enlightend Rhyme

Post by Def-init »

Thx for the feed,
Ya, my style is more poetic. Always has been.

Life been on the go mang.
But for sure budz, I shall leave some feeds.
- If I can't bend Heaven, I shall move Hell. -

Post Reply

Return to “Written Rhymes”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests