Hip Hop Forum

Little emotional piece I just threw together. Thought I'd post it here and see what ya'll think. It's got a little poetic edge to it, but if you read it fast, you'll get the feel for the flow. Feedback's greatly appreciated as always. Thanks all.


Yo, the aftermath of a Still-Birth, it Still-Hurts-And-Killed-Worth..
..Cuz it's nine months of anticipation, to Build-Work-And-Spill-Dirt
I Fulfilled-Curse, so I dropped my plans, just to give God-A-Hand..
..He's Not-A-Man, he turned my precious baby into a Plot-Of-Land
Abusin-My-Child meant about the same to me as Losin-My-Smile..
..Me & my girl chose different paths: She cries, I'm Chosin-Denial
Still walk to my babies bedroom just wishin the Crib-Isn't-Empty..
..Please teach-me-to-cry, it eats-me-alive yet still Livin-Wit-Envy
Puts my world in New-Perspective, only left wit a Few-Objectives..
..Cuz my Moods-Defective, and Im beggin to Review-The-Message
Like its "he who Choose-To-Lessin value wit Unanswered-Prayers..
..Can't understand the meaning of life.. so it'll Enhance-Your-Fears"
Toss-and-turn, but these awful thoughts keep Yearnin-To-Reveal..
..Burnin-For-Appeal, Im lost-but-learned yet Spurnin-To-Be-Healed
In-One-Breath, my future hopes just Ended-With-My-Sons-Death..
..Boy or Girl? Shes preg again. Ill End-It-With: Which-Ones-Next?

Was it meant to be?

God damn, man. You're going hard in the Scrips.

Whole piece was on point. Not your everyday topic and you executed it very well.

I Fulfilled-Curse, so I dropped my plans, just to give God-A-Hand..
..He's Not-A-Man, he turned my precious baby into a Plot-Of-Land

^ Great bar

In-One-Breath, my future hopes just Ended-With-My-Sons-Death..
..Boy or Girl? Shes preg again. Ill End-It-With: Which-Ones-Next?

^Perfect closer.

9/10

Guys, you have no idea what that kind of feed means to me. I wish I could explain how much I appreciate that. Thanks tons for the input, it'll always be respected.


Tek

nice drop man
stayed on point
flowed well
dope multies
9/10

Puts my world in New-Perspective, only left wit a Few-Objectives..
..Cuz my Moods-Defective, and Im beggin to Review-The-Message
Like its "he who Choose-To-Lessin value wit Unanswered-Prayers..
..Can't understand the meaning of life.. so it'll Enhance-Your-Fears"

my fave bit^
keep'em comin

i Thought it Was a Perfect Verse ..
It Had imagery A lot Of Emotion Was Felt ..
You Made Me Feel What You Were Goin Thru ..
On Tha Lyrical Side Multies and Vocab Was Nicely Used ..
This Concept is So Hard to Write Bout ..
I Thought You Did an ill ass Job Wit it ..