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Untitled - Just a quick piece
Posted: Wed Jun 11, 2008 2:11 pm
by Glamtrash
He is far from civilization
In the jungle of hell he roams
Fire burning everywhere
Lights flash in the distance
The dead lay around him
The wounded scream in pain
He killed several of those men
And wounded many others
Born to fight
Taught to kill
Never imagined
He would be in this hell
Surrounded by death
And the threat of disease
A constant smell of rotting flesh
His eyes burn with tears
Forgotten peace
Denied love
A lonely soldier
Wanting to return home
Posted: Wed Jun 11, 2008 2:30 pm
by Futures
a lot of imagery in this which is what stands out the most, personally im not a big fan of non-rhyming poetry but this was cool.
Posted: Sun Jun 15, 2008 3:24 pm
by Dead Silence
good shit
kinda nice twist at the end like it alot
9/10
Posted: Tue Jun 24, 2008 3:53 am
by Glamtrash
Thanks guys.
Posted: Thu Oct 23, 2008 12:04 am
by Haz
He is far from civilization
In the jungle of hell he roams
Fire burning everywhere
Lights flash in the distance
The dead lay around him
The wounded scream in pain
He killed several of those men
And wounded many others
Born to fight
Taught to kill
Never imagined
He would be in this hell
That Was Sick!...
Especially The First 2 Lines
sooo Deep N Soo in Depth...
Good shit
Posted: Thu Oct 23, 2008 11:50 am
by MicJordan
not bad, pattern could be better.
Posted: Sun Oct 26, 2008 3:47 am
by Mac
Shit Was Dope, You Can Actually Imagine Whats Happening As You Read This. It Was Deep Thought To.
9/10
Good Shit
B E Z
Posted: Tue Nov 11, 2008 10:35 pm
by Glamtrash
Thanks guys.
Posted: Sat Dec 27, 2008 9:25 pm
by Def-init
MicJordan wrote:not bad, pattern could be better.
LOL
You dont need to rhyme in poems man. It is just a nice bonus when there are rhymes in it. Poetry is about metaphor and vivid concepts.
"He is far from civilization
In the jungle of hell he roams
Fire burning everywhere
Lights flash in the distance
The dead lay around him
The wounded scream in pain"
Nice very nice.
Posted: Sun Dec 28, 2008 1:41 pm
by Borat
you bring some pretty heavy imagry in your poetry. I love to read these. OVER AND OVER AGAIN, its simple to understand but at the same time its so complex, You really know how to write. Keep em coming.
Posted: Sun Jan 04, 2009 9:26 am
by Glamtrash
Thanks dude, that means a lot coming from you.