Hip Hop Forum

What does this life want from me
How do these eyes want me to see
What does my mind decide what is real
How do these hands tell me how to feel

What is my role on this soil
Who are my only friends who will stay loyal
What is my fate to become
Who has the cure to my spine that numbs

How am I suppose to be living
When is it My time to stop giving
How am I going to stop believing
When is it My time to start receiving

How many deeds need to be done
How many times must I lift this ton
How will I overcome mile high stones
How will I stop doing will these prones

What does this life want from me
How do these eyes want me to see
What does my mind decide what is real
How do these hands tell me how to feel

(i know i repeated my 1st stanza at the end that was the plan)

No Punchlines
No Multis
no flow
Fuck you and your life style! bitch you can't rap you can't write for shit....THE UNASWERED QUESTION IS WHY YOU FUCKING BLOW!!..But You Still My Nigga .....A Fucking -2/10

ummm alright

This is really basic man
I mean if u used more complex rhymes and a much deeper emotion or diction, it would be moving or even a bit inspirational but yeah man, I see what ur trying to do its just not coming out right, I told you to read it outloud before u post it to catch ur flaws.

Rewrite this and I guarantee it'll be better.

will do.

Upping

Stop rhyming for the sake of rhyming and actually pour your soul out. That's all artistry really is - be it through music, writing, or fucking painting. It'll work out a whole lot better for you.

true that, do it from ur heart.. that's how i try to write.. from deep within the love for it, audio was difficult becuz it was new to me, but as u can tell.. each new track that's released.. im better than the last, as i get more comfortable with the mic i start to adapt my lyrics to vocals and spit from the soul, sometimes u need someone to let u know wat ur lackin and wat u need to do, wat did it for me.. was creating something to actually fight for, so now audio isn't a goal ne more.. it just became a step to a new goal for an overall accomplishment