Hip Hop Forum

In a tale of two people
the world fell apart
and behind these eyes a broken side lies
hidden behind a darkened smile
You can't help my pain
but you feel it when you touch me
shut the door behind you when you go
cause you're too perfect to be real

Lie by my side at night
let me fall asleep to the sound of your dreams
your entity embraces me and keeps me warm
its so cold out there without someone
but you just seem too perfect, I must be missing something
cause nothing like this ever walks by me
nothing like this could ever be mine

and i know you've been broken ,I know you've been scarred
I know it sometimes hurts to breathe
I know every moment of everything you feel when the pain brings you to your kness
but Im not her and he's not you, and this isn't then, it's now
and I don't have all the answers babe but I know we'll make it somehow
we're gonna make it together forever I swear just give me a moment to wipe away your tears
grab my hand - we'll put one foot in front of the next and never look back so don't ever forget
i'm here with you ...

There are times I know something I do reminds you
I see his shadow come across your face
and Instead of leaving you to your misery
I wrap my arms around you to keep you safe
cause nothing hurts like a flashback
a vision of how it was before me
I can't take away your memories,
but I can give you new things to remember

let me be the wave that washes over you
let my voice whispering my love for you bring you peace
I will get on my knees and pray every night
that I make u smile in your dreams
two pre broken people walking hand in hand
those two aren't always blind
take my hand and help me stand
we'll lean on eachother
together you and me we'll be alright

Wooooooow...
I Loved This Fuckin Poem Yo...
This is Some REAAAAAL SHIT.....
im Feeling The Concept...

Shit Was Deep & Kepted Me Hooked In like Crazy.


and i know you've been broken ,I know you've been scarred
I know it sometimes hurts to breathe
I know every moment of everything you feel when the pain brings you to your kness
but Im not her and he's not you, and this isn't then, it's now
and I don't have all the answers babe but I know we'll make it somehow
we're gonna make it together forever I swear just give me a moment to wipe away your tears
grab my hand - we'll put one foot in front of the next and never look back so don't ever forget
i'm here with you ...

^^^ MY Favorite Part Of Da Poem... I Loved Dat Part.... Good Shit..


Dis Wus My Second Favorite..


let me be the wave that washes over you
let my voice whispering my love for you bring you peace
I will get on my knees and pray every night
that I make u smile in your dreams
two pre broken people walking hand in hand
those two aren't always blind
take my hand and help me stand
we'll lean on eachother
together you and me we'll be alright


10/10
Good Shit..
i'll Remember To Give U Feed i Didnt Forget Lol

You're such an awesome poet. You kinda make the reader think you're talking about them, or looking at themselves through someone else's eyes. There are other things you do through your writing which i can't really explain. But keep the good work up. I love reading these.

you really are a great poet i mean i've only read 2 drops i i think your great
man this was nice shit

There are times I know something I do reminds you
I see his shadow come across your face
and Instead of leaving you to your misery
I wrap my arms around you to keep you safe
cause nothing hurts like a flashback
a vision of how it was before me
I can't take away your memories,
but I can give you new things to remember

My fave Bit^
man keep'em comin

this was excellent shanda, really deep, n its pretty universal so its easy to relate too, i gotta run but ill leave better feed on it later, n check out some other ones too

[quote="Double.FL"]
shut the door behind you when you go
cause you're too perfect to be real

I know it sometimes hurts to breathe
I know every moment of everything you feel when the pain brings you to your kness
but Im not her and he's not you, and this isn't then, it's now
and I don't have all the answers babe but I know we'll make it somehow

The beginning was incredible, I felt like I was watching a sad movie and there was a narrator with a sweet voice talking and it made me sad.
U shud send this into some script writing or to a producer in hollywood, u have massive potential and talent girl.

This entire piece was moving and i mma give it a 9/10.

Ur the poet of the year and I don't see anyone else beating u at wat u do here. Good shit

im not going to go into detail
because your poems havent really progressed
or gotten worse, so its pretty much all been
said before, i think you could have
increased the vocab a little on this one
but i liked it overall

damn dis shit right here is deep as fuck u be snappin wit da poetry much props 10/10

Thanks guys.

man there is alot of scheme/pattern issues on this forum with peoples writings

That was really good man, i could feel the emotion really good, and the concept/message was really good. Good job fam

MicJordan wrote:man there is alot of scheme/pattern issues on this forum with peoples writings

I've said it before, but you weren't around. Poem's don't necessarily need to have a structure to them. The entire point of poetry is to touch someone with your words. Simple as that.


And thanks for the feed guys.

For those of you that read my plays. I'm working on another. Garter returns!

and i know you've been broken ,I know you've been scarred
I know it sometimes hurts to breathe
I know every moment of everything you feel when the pain brings you to your kness
but Im not her and he's not you, and this isn't then, it's now
and I don't have all the answers babe but I know we'll make it somehow
we're gonna make it together forever I swear just give me a moment to wipe away your tears
grab my hand - we'll put one foot in front of the next and never look back so don't ever forget
i'm here with you ...


Ayo man. I felt that a lot. That was very deep. Props yo.

Thanks for the feed guys.