Hip Hop Forum

[font=Comic Sans MS]First: Put your links before your piece so when people click it they know they better leave feed.

This piece was real nice man. You're a lot better at writing serious pieces than at anything else. Flowed smoothly, emoition came out through your word choice. Good stuff man.

Favorite bar, even though it was the saddest:
When She Goes Ta School They Dont Believe They Say She Jokin And Lyin
When She Comes Home She's Fightin Fa Breaths Always Chokin And Cryin

Stuff like that really made the drop hit closer to home.[/font]

"it's A Sad Life She's Only 13 Years Old And She's Dying Of Cancer
They Say She Sick She Dont Kno Why But She Cryin Fa Answers
When She Goes Ta School They Dont Believe They Say She Jokin And Lyin
When She Comes Home She's Fightin Fa Breaths Always Chokin And Cryin "

"it's My Homies Little Sister i'm Hopin God Answers These Prayers
They Say it's A Slim Chance She'll Live But Atleast Tha Chances Are There "

Favorite Bars ^

"They Say it's A Slim Chance She'll Live But Atleast Tha Chances Are There
Already Kno Tha Pain Watched My Nana Go Through Tha Same"

Dope ass line and then to follow up.

"A Long 2 Years Passed But A Tombstone Still Roped To Her Name"

Not a great line.

"it's Not Hard Ta Tell Goin Through Chemo Like Livin Through Hell
it's Hard But Some Folks End Up Beatin Tha Fight And Livin To Tell"

Very true line.

"Wearin Other Peoples Hair Donated By Locks For Love
You Kno What i'm Sayin No More Needed in Tha Box Above"

Kinda weak closer. I didn't like it.

Overall 8.1/10

When people write very deep pieces and things we can relate to. We sometimes overlook lyrical shortcomings and this piece didn't really have many. That's something you need to keep up on a consistent basis.

Substance was there from the beginning to end as well. Keep it up.

When She Comes Home She's Fightin Fa Breaths Always Chokin And Cryin
Tha Girl Has Heart She Wont Give Up She Been Livin Tha Fight
Her Moms An Pops Worried Dont Kno if She'll Live Through Night
it's My Homies Little Sister i'm Hopin God Answers These Prayers
They Say it's A Slim Chance She'll Live But Atleast Tha Chances Are There

...
Dat Shit Had Emotion & Flow.. i Liked Dat Part Da Most..
Came Off Nice... You Gotta Extend Um.. But For How much Wus There u Opend N Closed Da Story Good

this piece was nice. pretty deep man. i like that. the flow and multis were their as usual. the whole thing was good. a lot of emotion and im sure a lot of people can relate to this. this applys to your other drop. i liked that one a lot too. i would give it feed but it would be exactly the same as this.

good shit

real basic line scheme but i think it was a great piece overall
still like i said before using more vocab will make this a lot
more emotional and will make these a lot more interesting
it seems to monotonous

nice rhymes i sort of liked it
wasnt really feeling the flow dunno why but it was pretty good

When She Goes Ta School They Dont Believe They Say She Jokin And Lyin
When She Comes Home She's Fightin Fa Breaths Always Chokin And Cryin
Tha Girl Has Heart She Wont Give Up She Been Livin Tha Fight
Her Moms An Pops Worried Dont Kno if She'll Live Through Night

My fave Bit^

Nice Peace...Loved The Concept..It Was Deep....Multi's Was Real Nice Bro. Flow Was Hella Smooth. More Then Just A Descent Drop Bro....Keep At It..


it's My Homies Little Sister i'm Hopin God Answers These Prayers
They Say it's A Slim Chance She'll Live But Atleast Tha Chances Are There

^^ My Fav Part...I Was Mos Def Feelin Da Emotion...

The way you described how she passed was krazy man as I was reading this I visually pictued what you wrote about. Imma give this a 10 b/c how you broke it down... piece was sad as hell to a lot of people go thru this much props on this 1 homie.

fuck this... hope she'll get better!


a friend of mine died of cancer two years ago... it's... i can't find a suitable word to express the feeling you have when you see someone your age in a coffin.

hope she'll never get there before 90.