Hip Hop Forum

this iz a verse im usin for a future audio collab,kinda surprise collab but im sure yall will like it once its done..newayz i decided 2 post my verse 4 the hell of it sense i got it done,leave some feed

i gotta keep my head up,tho shits gettin hard
basically just fed up,from always spittin bars
never will i let up,im'a sittin star
guess its time'ta get up,show these splittin scars
are really just blueprints for this life of mine
tryna give my two cents without a life of crime
but im criticized for wantin'ta write some rhymes
so these ppl just stab a knife in my spine
as im tryna spread my wings n take flight
flyin far ahead of things by day light
tie'n my shoes instead these strings break right
wonderin if this bread'll bring these fake dikes
prayin my skills will stack some mills n plaqs
and not fill the racks with bills n crap
wonderin where my will iz at ta thrill these kats
as i drill the facts im still intact
but u kno the pressure iz gonna pile up
as soon as these chumps go'ta get riled up
its back ta action where im wild yup
one wrong move n my styles fucked
gotta keep movin yet its insane
how the streets somehow always let my name
get wrapped up in shit n set in flames
i guess im really whats left of the game
im really not tryna jepordaize it all
life iz worth more then seein guys fall
i kno god iz listenin up for my call
in the end i gave it my best try yall

i gotta keep my head up,tho shits gettin hard
basically just fed up,from always spittin bars

but u kno the pressure iz gonna pile up
as soon as these chumps go'ta get riled up
its back ta action where im wild yup
one wrong move n my styles fucked

as im tryna spread my wings n take flight
flyin far ahead of things by day light

thought this shit was pretty dope man, keep it up i wanna hear it audio

thanks man apperciate it,uppin

this was good. i wouldnt say there were any stand out bits but the whole thing was solid. i think it will sound could on audio too. lookin forward to it coz i think your improving on the mic

Right, c4 makes a good point.

What this piece in my opinion is missing, is some complex metaphor.

Especially, with your style, you need a line or two. (as you have done in the past).

That makes people go back and be like, did he just say that?

Jay Z and Royce are great examples.

Sometimes it seems like you're just rhyming. That's not good enough.

It's still a dope piece. I'm just trying to extract any flaw, that I can possibly see.

"wonderin where my will iz at ta thrill these kats
as i drill the facts im still intact "

That's it? Why not, as i drill the facts, like pyramids in rome, i'm still in tact"

Anything to spice that line up more. If not, it's just rhyming. Even if it's furthering your concept.

I liked the HIV drop better. I think, each bar had more emphasis.

but im criticized for wantin'ta write some rhymes
so these ppl just stab a knife in my spine
as im tryna spread my wings n take flight
flyin far ahead of things by day light
tie'n my shoes instead these strings break right
wonderin if this bread'll bring these fake dikes
prayin my skills will stack some mills n plaqs
and not fill the racks with bills n crap
wonderin where my will iz at ta thrill these kats
as i drill the facts im still intact
but u kno the pressure iz gonna pile up
as soon as these chumps go'ta get riled up


u Kept a Dope Flow Goin in Dat Section^^^
You Already Know i Like how u Be Doin ya Multis
Shit Comes out ill

Put it Down on Audio Shit'll Sound Good.