Hip Hop Forum

The phone rings for the 50th time that day
on the other end's that fuckin slut claira-mae
Now I ain't saw or heard from this bitch in years
Since we was partyin, n I drank too many beers
Beat the bitch senseless, and left her in tears.
N as she spoke to me, still, her voice filled with fear.
"Can I talk to the husband?" I hear her say
"He's sleepin bitch, what the fuck you want anyway?"
"Here's my number, make sure he calls me, it's really important"
So I write the shit down, bite my lip, hang up the phone and
Wake up the husband, "Claire called, somethin's up"
He says, "Why the fuck would I wanna talk to that slut?"
and goes back to sleep, I pace, He wakes up and calls her
His face while she spoke looked of shock, pain, and horror.
He hangs up the phone, looks at me with tears in his eyes.
"Dal's dead, Died last night." "What happened?" I reply.
"No one knows yet, but he got locked up last week
And when he called his moms, he said he got beat
pretty bad this time, when they caught his ass"
Now you gotta understand, Dal's got quite the past
In n our of jail since he was 12 years old,
Anything you ever needed, one of us sold.
But I left that behind me a long time ago,
My eyes filled with tears, but i couldn't show
him how much i hurt, i had to be strong
Be a soldier, blink em back, n act like nothings wrong.
"The funeral's tomorrow, pack your shit, bus leaves four in the morning"
I pack, call my work, and give them the warning
"I'm taking tomorrow off, the next couple days too,
I have to go bury one of the crew."

flow was a little off but the message was good pretty detailed lot of emotion

if thats true stay up, nice little piece there

Thanks for the feed. And yes, it's true. But it happened a year ago, so i've kind of come to terms with it. I figure the story will be three parts or so, so stay tuned.

i like it...like rhino said flows is a little off here n there...but overall the story to it was good...sorry bout da loss..ill keep on a look out for da others u might be droppin...

this was mad nice..i liked it..cuz personally story telling songs is my thing..i love em 2..but u displayed a good amount of detail in this good job,i cant pick out any lines in perticular there were like shocking..but this was reall good overall i wanna see part 2 and possibly make a story up with u with a better storyline then the last one we did lol! haha..good shit Shanda,peace

pretty good topical piece, i liked it shanda, yer gonna get pretty sick if you keep at it,
definately not a bad job tellin Dallas's story
rhymes were simple, flow was off here n there just cause of the odd sorta forced rhyme
overall, good read tho

this was heaps good, i could picture it all in my head, keep it up

yeah this was good. like someone said it had good detail and you could picture it. i prefer these kinda "real" drops to most of the shit people drop. i was started doing a verse like this a while back bout someone i know that got killed but i gave up on it cause it was kinda shit. these kinda verses are hard cause u gotta the emotion and detail right and u did that well so props.

Your a great storyteller and your making quite a smooth transition from poetry into rap.
The flow was abit off but hey who cares the content was awesome.
Good message and a great piece overall.
Perhaps the female version of B-Bear? Lol.
Keep up.

Wake up the husband, "Claire called, somethin's up"
He says, "Why the fuck would I wanna talk to that slut?"

LMAO^...

U Haddah Good Story Line.. That Shit wus Funny dough Cuz it'z Sumthin a Niggah Wuld Say..

Keep Droppin ..

at The Start The Flow Was Great Until The 'it's Really important' Line.

Loved The Way u Set The Scene in This, Something i Like Doing With My Drops, So Props On That Because u Pulled it Off Nicely. Adding Dialogue Was a Good idea Aswell, And How u Described The Slut Chick Haha. So The imagery Was There. Rhymescheme Was Better Than ur Other Shit And The Flow Was Good For The Most Part. Keep it Up ur Getting Better.

~+~Shanda~+~ Eager, But Not Porno Style Eager....More Like...14 Year Old Boy Getting Head For The First Time Eager says:
"'domino is teh mastaer'"

^^ Uh Huh.

lmao oh ffs.