Hip Hop Forum

I'm back from my long-`vacation
back to doing song-`creations and having bong-`relations .//.
this thangs a race, im settin the pace, it's me you chase
and just like space, ill use my gun to leave *black holes* in ya face .//.
faggot you're a sell out a market-`thug
i'll leave you *LAID OUT* just like a carpet-`rug .//.
you're so obsessed with you're superficial things, you're a humvee-`humper
i'll leave u hanging just like a bungee-`jumper .//.
i got you prayin on you're knees, God's awake-but he won't-listen
i'll have u crying to the police just like a rape-victim .//.
when people hear my voice they fly like birds-`to the-`sun
i slaughter bitches with complex words-`not automatic-`guns .//.
when you call me out, you know that the shits-`down
watch out coz i got you runnin it like chris-`brown .//.
They call me a ass-`kisser a "i love-`U-`mister
in fact i just ask-`bitches if they'd rather shove-`it or-`lick it .//.
i'll kill you silently, like i mumble-`my-`caps
watch you're mouth coz i'll pop you like some bubble-`wrap .//.

okay you still got a fucking long way to go, but your getting there.. your grasping multis even though there forced, and your getting a good understanding off punches even though they were not the best ive seen by a newbie, all i can say is this is your best drop so far, try and word your shit better, work on flow.. but mainly all you gotta do is practise metaphores wordplay punches there your weakest point, every thing you write does not need to be posted, so if u feel like that your going to get shit for it, keep it personal, but everything you write makes you elevate, and if your 50 50 about posting a verse, send it to someone you trust, and get there view before everyone sees it feel me?

it was a solid drop for a rookie

some of your "punches" ive heard before like layed out like a carpet rug
You should try using more multis in ya rhymes so i can see how creative u can be

but it wasnt bad keep it up Slim

thanks for the feed gutta and sequence

uppin for more feed/

They call me a ass-`kisser a "i love-`U-`mister
in fact i just ask-`bitches if they'd rather shove-`it or-`lick it .//.
^ WDF is This LMAO... Ayo.. "Insteada Rhyme u Should Go To The Cemetary & Digg ya Own Grave Up Ahead Time" <<< Words Of Wisdom.. Ya DIGG

hazard can you please fuck off? You're tryna start trouble over nothing just coz sequence voted against you and because i voted against you. You're a faggot pussy ass whiner who cant take vote: not hazard's name here.

There's some good potential in this one, and some good concepts, although u lack that ability to formulate your sentences... have i mentioned that to u before? Anyhow, that'll probably come later on, when u've elevated a bit more.. u need practice to master it.. that's just how it is.. but u're gettin somewhere, that's positive.. I noticed u tried wrote some multies, like the ambition - and keep doin it, and at the same time, extend your vocab.. cause a lot of them multies felt forced.. but like i wrote earlier - u're gettin somewhere, that's really all that should matter to u now.. so keep droppin! u might consider readin the posts in the "center of elevation" section, that might give u something to think about!

thanks for the feed b-bear. much appreciated.

uppin//

shit was ight kid

it felt more like sum upbeat shit

I'm back from my long-`vacation
back to doing song-`creations and having bong-`relations .//.
this thangs a race, im settin the pace, it's me you chase
and just like space, ill use my gun to leave *black holes* in ya face .//.

^^favorite bars
u opened it fairly nice and that last line is a real good one

you're so obsessed with you're superficial things, you're a humvee-`humper
i'll leave u hanging just like a bungee-`jumper .//.

^^least favorite bar
the first line killed it "humvee-humper" wtf is that shit? u talkin bout like humpin a humvee?

keep ur head up kid u got sum work to do but ull get there

feedback is coming from da Kid who u could probably lyrically demolish

^^^umm hey bud shush ur mouth k thnx bye i dont deal wit unworthy bitches like u

feedback is coming from da Kid who u could probably lyrically demolish

i thought they were the same person for a bit. they are kinda similar in a lot of ways.

"and just like space, ill use my gun to leave *black holes* in ya face .//. "

If you didn't bite that line, it's a wrap for me. Nice job man.

lol plex for real i didnt bite that line. I was battling my friend and i used that against him.
And also that line i bit about the blood pressure i used it coz it was in Gutta's sig. but yeh.

thanks plex .