Hip Hop Forum

Something I wrote a lil while ago.. Uppin for some feedback!


I understand...
gamblin on life is like a mistress takin your time and energy
it'll cause anxiousity and stress and it can be ya worst enemy
surrounding your family with distress and you with that hennesee
I've turned cold-hearted and prayin for God to put an end to me
that's when Jesus returned and told me what God had sent to me
a talent of poetry and a voice of power so people would remember me
sippin of the bottle of vodka and using my pen like it's defendin me
with alcohol in my blood that's when clear thoughts are attendin me
like i see rough pictures of the future that god is presendin me
tranformed into fierce scriptures blowing my mind and assembling me
call me a disciple, but i dont deliver blessons, i teach the lessons
patterned on the corner in every rapper and their preaching sessions
from microschopical items in letters to be creating words of wisdom
messages are delivered from my system of flesh, bones and arteries
where music originates as a part of me is where u find your redemption
creatin another dimension in your struggle like a life at heaven's mansion

patterned on the corner in every rapper and their preaching sessions
from microschopical items in letters to be creating words of wisdom
messages are delivered from my system of flesh, bones and arteries
where music originates as a part of me is where u find your redemption

liked that part the most

flow was on point easy ta read

cool idea/rhyme scheme

"call me a disciple, but i dont deliver blessons, i teach the lessons
patterned on the corner in every rapper and their preaching sessions
from microschopical items in letters to be creating words of wisdom
messages are delivered from my system of flesh, bones and arteries
where music originates as a part of me is where u find your redemption
creatin another dimension in your struggle like a life at heaven's mansion"

Dope that was like Nas on the flyer track.

"messages are delivered from my system of flesh, bones and arteries
where music originates as a part of me is where u find your redemption "

One of the best lines on Illest for a while.

Let's collab!

i enjoyed this piece mainly cuz im gettin into shit like this too...loved these bars right here

I've turned cold-hearted and prayin for God to put an end to me
that's when Jesus returned and told me what God had sent to me
a talent of poetry and a voice of power so people would remember me
sippin of the bottle of vodka and using my pen like it's defendin me
with alcohol in my blood that's when clear thoughts are attendin me
like i see rough pictures of the future that god is presendin me
tranformed into fierce scriptures blowing my mind and assembling me

shit wuz hot^^..keep it up man u drop some good shit,flow wuz on point mostly too

this was dope like most of your drops. i can see that intelligence wise your on a different level from most. your vocab is excellent and the flow is always on point. i got a question for u. i remember u said u were from Norway so i take it English is not your first language. am i correct?

wow...thats all i can say. Wow.

That was awesome for real.

Thanks, really appreciate all the feedback!!

Yeah, I'm norwegian, so english isn't my first language.. actually i started writin verses in norwegian when i was about 14, but thought that sounded weird.. didn't sorta give me that right feelin.. so, i've been writin in english for about 2 years now.. and i'm lovin it.. that's why i'm doin this..

Once again, feedback is much appreciated!

complexity wrote:Let's collab!

Sure man, no problem.. but we'll have to do it like next week, cause I got too many things comin up the next days ..

same dude