Hip Hop Forum

http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/post54971.html#54971
i kno the flow is diff but i changed it up on purpose and i personally like it..leave some feed plz n thankz..

battered n broken hopin i heal in time'n
i hate that i gotta reveal im cryin
or conceal the time when,im thinkin
like lil wayne cuz i 'feel like dyin'
but at night my eyes glow with passion
words imbeded in fire u kno what im askin
the simple question of 'can u feel
the force behind my flow when rappin?'
its deep,and i gotta extract this pain
that always keeps comin back with flames
just ta somehow burn n crack my brain
with facts that stay attached to my veins
thoughts constantly movin,never restin
my pen burnin up the page,u got better suggestion?
on how 2 show the world every letter is testin
my will,and how its goin forever im guessin
once u put the pen down,ur ambition fades
and im wishin im brave,enough ta face
2morrow,and the deadly mission that rades
my mind n soul everytime i rhyme n flow
i got this feelin even fate has a price
and the gates 2 heaven are designed with a toll

I like this. Real simple structure...easy to read...almost poetic. But definately sum good shit...you get a good grasp of what ur talkin about through ur choice of words when it comes to description. You should write in this type of style more often. I give it a 9/10

Yah. Great point.

You definitely have a grasp on what you drop.

I never thought to put it that way.

The flow was nice and decent subject matter.

8/10.

Quote -

"but at night my eyes glow with passion
words imbeded in fire u kno what im askin
the simple question of 'can u feel
the force behind my flow when rappin?' "

thanks 4 the feed guys,apperciate it..uppin

Nice soulsearchin Tramatik! haha


I liked this one.. good structure.. it flowed very nicely.. i'd like to see an extended version.. the topic is kinda played out, but it was still worth the read! and do like kurse said, keep using this style.. lookin forward to seein the next one!

Tramatik has gave the best feedback of the week, hence gets stickied for a week.

The rule is over, moderators/admins can't spend more time concentrating on battles, etc. Getting votes, and helping Harle with all the bs she has been doing.

Couldn't Find Any Flaws in The Flow. Wording And Structure Was a Lot Better Than Previous Drops Where u Were Using Some Filler Words And u Had a Lot Of inner Rhymes. Good Little Piece, u Might Want To Work On Extending it, u Doing This Audio?

My Favourite Bar is Probably The Last One, Sums Up The Whole Drop To Me And That's Always a Good Thing To Do With ur Last.

Might Want To Change Topics Sometime Though ive Read a Lot From u Talking About The Anger inside. im Not Bothered Though, There Was Elevation in This Piece And That's Always Good To See, Keep Droppin.

the flow was nice, pretty straight multis.. had a nice inner multi similar to wat i do at times..overall it was pretty good... alot better than wat i've read from u before, although... y is this a sticky?

nice piece. i like the way you switched the flow up. I agree with who ever it was it sounded kind of poetic. 8/10

EkomS wrote: y is this a sticky?

Complexity:

Tramatik has gave the best feedback of the week, hence gets stickied for a week.

The rule is over, moderators/admins can't spend more time concentrating on battles, etc. Getting votes, and helping Harle with all the bs she has been doing.

Guess that's why..

ah ok that's koo.. im just makin sure ppl rn't tryna just make their shit sticky for more feedback lol

yeah not bad not bad at all

pretty good content and you the structure was pretty nice as well.


battered n broken hopin i heal in time'n
i hate that i gotta reveal im cryin
or conceal the time when,im thinkin
like lil wayne cuz i 'feel like dyin'
but at night my eyes glow with passion
words imbeded in fire u kno what im askin
the simple question of 'can u feel
the force behind my flow when rappin?'


^ Fav Bars.

But on the other side, i think this drop could have been better if you upped the vocab but thats just me

good shit , 8.5/10.