Hip Hop Forum

http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/escap ... t6511.html (rhino's Link)
http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/coord ... t6541.html (tramatik's link)

collab about the perspective from souljaz goin 2 war n there thoughts n shit..

Rhino's Verse

as i practically sit here and spit in the face of karma
against my beliefs ordered to lace up this armor
this is a disgrace im just a farmer......
how can i embrace in war against a race
of people when all my crew mates wanna do is rape n harm 'em
ive gote a decision ta make do i get in the trenches and take
lives of ladies n babies because of differences they wear on there face
ever since they handed the draft card seems like the plan was crafted
ta stand guard and if i have to go against my values and leave a man scarred
writhing n hot, i cant breath gonna get off this plane whether i like
it or not, no time ta react i hear blasts do i strike with a shot?

Tramatik's Verse

i gotta be strong and the will iz frozen in me
ta roll deeply through fate n throw away the key
to this lock thats on 'happiness and home'
a letter once a week makes me feel im not alone
but they putta price on my life and stamp on my name
shipped me out as thoughts cramp up my brain
mean while they expect me ta be a champ-n-be sane
how?when the blood flowin iz as damp as the rain
my tears are shed i gotta make sure my fears are dead
and keep a positive outlook for my family in the years ahead
i cant dart from the crew,cuz my hearts in my boot
im tramatized the minute my men start ta shoot..

good shit

lets get some feed goin

this was a nice collab i could feel the confusion and the pressure of the desicion in both verses
very good depth in it and it wasnt too complex cus ppl dont think in 947 syllable words
both stayed on topic very well and it was good for two ppl who've never been in this situation
its good when rappers can take their imagination and make a good solid verse of out it
6/10 kudos

btw...

the multies and flow was kinda off

yea it was kinda hard since we werent in it..but everythings worth a shot i guess..thanks 4 the feed sam

this was a pretty nice collabo, i agree. i thought it flowed well and was pretty on point
keep it up yall


reppin gods of war

word appreciate everyones feed on this

Dis Wus Pretty Nice.. Tramatik Flowed Thru His Verse..
Farmer John Was Aiight But if i Could Replace His
Verse i Would Kill it.. But Nice Tramatik..

^^maybe if i wrote it for you

anyway appreciate the feed

haha^

Rhino got a difficult flow to catch, i've read some verses by u in the last days and i ogtta say i'm startin to like it very good.. you started off rather choppy in the first two bars.. could've been tight if u'd done it on audio.. but def feelin the confusion like HQ said.. your rhyme scheme is kinda odd.. haha, donno how to quuuite explain it, i just don't get it completely.. pretty weird considering i've finally got a hold of your flow..haha, guess i'm tired..

tramatik, nice ending.. the last line was probably the best.. your flow is a bit too choppy to let it pass without mentioning it.. remembered i was told by someone on this site to try and let the second line always be longer than the first when writing.. try and stick to that.. but i may be wrong tho, just the first feelin i got when reading it.. other then taht it's good.. some nice lil multies here and there, keep it comin!