Hip Hop Forum

Some quick shit i wrote the other day. feed is appreciated.


amazing and magnificent, blazed like an asian so im squitin-kid,
cant be fazed, or hazed in your maze of indifferent-shit..
crack ur head concave with one quick lil hit, leave u dazed & leakin liquid bitch,
not brave? can get wit-this...my philosophy is probably mockery,
im involved properly no stoppin-me im insightful like Socrates..
one swipe with a knife twice leave you stopped with alot-to-bleed,
i stop your screed...dont pop at me, while im chiefin evaporating properties..
God could speak...but ur hearin is only half there & your more than half scared,
the enlightenment is frightening - give you the facts bare when i rap there..
you saps spared...im generously gratuitous offendin dudes like im new to this,
impenetrably fluent-kid... the pen is the tool and i use it quick...




Link:
http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/post49177.html#49177

not bad

it was kinda all over the place

and the flow was a little off, i think

because you switched your string a little much.

good use of vocab pretty good drop

id give 6.5/10

stay up keep doin ya thing

I thought the flow was pretty good. You just had to get the scheme.

The vocabulary was dope. I especially loved the way you used the word concave.

"crack ur head concave with one quick lil hit,"

I didn't like the double adjectives. I have a feeling you didn't either, but it does keep the flow going.

Even though he did switch his "string" a lot. He kept it all even.

I can't think of anything else wrong with this piece.

I honestly liked the whole thing. I will give it an 8/10 but -2 for not dropping
more often. So it's 6/10 bitch.

i liked this man...flowed nicely 2 me...well plex broke it down mainly..but nice job overall..keep droppin

it was pretty good you used a lil too many end off's though (shit, bitch, kid shit that you throw on at the end so the multi works) overall it was good for a random verse though, flow was structured pretty well

Appreciate the feed yall.

you used a lil too many end off's though

ha. alot of people wouldnt even notice that. But when i use em i try to make both words rythme [ex: squitin-kid, indifferent-shit..] I try to atleast make it more complex, but jeah, ill take the suggestion.

but -2 for not dropping more often. So it's 6/10 bitch.

shut up. be on aim more often bitch.

upp

Wtf yall can comment this bastard but i ain't had shit did on this site in forever and yall can't post a comment on my shit well damn fuck yall den

STFU

bitching wont get you anywhere

nice shit man

u Had a Solid Rhymescheme Throughout Even Though u Used The Words 'Bitch' And 'Kid' as Fillers, Still Came Out Nice. Multis Were ill, My Fav Lines Would Be;

im involved properly no stoppin-me im insightful like Socrates..
one swipe with a knife twice leave you stopped with alot-to-bleed,
i stop your screed...dont pop at me, while im chiefin evaporating properties..
God could speak...but ur hearin is only half there & your more than half scared,
the enlightenment is frightening - give you the facts bare when i rap there..

Pretty Nice All Round, Keep Droppin.

Who df is this Rhino nigga....Do he know who i am....i don't think so anyway....i read this shit...it's nice...where the scheme at though? Kinda sloppy... But like you said Quick shit I understand....
Vocab and everything was decent
Leave me some comment
http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/a-cyp ... t5996.html


http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/khan- ... t5995.html

shit flowed pretty nice i liked the rhymin scheme wit it good drop man