Hip Hop Forum

http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/compl ... t5852.html


And With That LINK here Comes


My Wrist-Is-Cold/Ill Slit-Your-Throat / Lift-Your-Nose and Twist-Your-Bones / You Never cop Shellz And Fourties you ''Tellin Stories'' like when Scriptures-Told/ Blizzard-Flow Savage tho but ''Magical'' Wizards-Know/ Blow-Piff-And-Dro/ I Missed-Your-Quotes/ Balistic-Dough Popping Wide and Got me high in Statistics-Though/This-Is-Known Bitch-Ya-Old only time ya see ''Bills Up'' a Pistons-Show Relentless-So / Im...Sparking-Heaterz Tall-Llamaz-Reach-Ya Alarmed-With-Da-Reapah Watch Ya Mama-Teach-Ya but no Drama-Either so gifted getcha 'Soul lifted'' like Talks-With-Preacherz im Big on beefs and Live on streets wit Chalks-And-Eitherz im Dark-With-Cleavers Clappin nines send ya ''Back in time'' take a Walk-With-Ceasar// See The Eights-And-Big-Beams Ive got Apes-Ya-Digg-Me? I'll Scrape-Ya-Wig-Clean/ i dont Hate-To-Live-Mean itz Too late I Move-Weight-To-Fill-Dreams I will rest im still fresh so my Bapes-Is-Still-Seen/ yall Cant-Get-Real-Seems ya never Ate-A-Real-Team to Relate-N-Chill-Steams/ I Push Fakes-In-Chilled-Streams/ in Situations im sick of watin but my Patience-Still-Gleams i Race-To-Kill-Fiends/ Paced-To-Spills-Things that a make ya Take-A-Real-STING// Then get Ya Heads-In-Bags i Rest-With-Mags And ''Move Bricks'' like the Concept Tetris-Had/ Collect-This-Cash Disrespect-The-Fags spit a buck N hit em up and Exit-Fast / Test-This-Blast if ya wanna Upset-Me-Bad ya Chest-Get-Gassed cuz ya Body gone Manifest-In-Bagz/ I write Text-With-Pads these other dudes Mess-Is-Sad im Palmin the wess and Fathered da Best SHIT Im an Impressive-Dad (HAHA) / Select-This-Trash and get Blessed-N-Pads naw fool im Raw dude I neva Stress-With-Task pop gatz wit Hot raps that make ya Flesh-With-Ash/ Techs-Spit-Wrath we never took Semetric-Paths u better Accept-This-Glad/ This is drama but I
did ya mama fo da Breast-N-Ass my Quest-Is-Lagged work from my best dudes smoke like test tubes
Professors-Have// ill Squeeze-And-I'll-Toat got Freezers-Of-Coke relating to crime I stay on the grind were niggaz Need-Me-The-Most from the East-Piece-Of-The-Coast and were Weed-Trees-Will-Smoke/
you He-Shes-Get-Thrown *LOL* Bust Choppaz n Fuck doctaz ill Keep-Bleed-M.O/ Releasing-These-Chromes
I get Heat-Cheese-N-Doam till these Sweet-Treats-Is-Gone/ Ima Beat-Cheats-N-Zones Ive went To Mayor to my New Chair my Seat-Be-The-Thrown and the Green-Keeps-Me-On// Light-These-Shots
it Might-Be-Hot i put ''souls in a box'' like a Nike-Shop/ i Fight-He-Watch im Bright-He-Not with A
Icy-Watch thats why you dont Like-Me-Ock/ Ive got Women scored and When im bored I hits da
Hyphy-Spots but Might-Be-Shot Cuz Tha hate of these Gay thugz is Rising-Ock/ take a Seat Back my
Team crack check the Pipes-We-Got?/Im sicka dumb writtens this niggaz dumb chickens Buy-Me-Lots!/
my Height-Reached-Tops!/ quick ta catch fire like Propaine and my Coke Game Arrives-In-Stocks!/
dont get this twisted skip bitches I do the Heisman-Ha!! Neva will I Dispise-These-Rocks these pigz dirty
who Signed-These-Cops? *Foreal*/ With Chrome And Beams and Only Dreams is to Sight-Me-Popped? SYKE-These-Glocks will leave ya Life-With-DOCS/That Priceless-Jocks my flow worthy itz so dirty wont Collide-With-Mops! im ''Rollin'' like Dice-N-BLOCKS this aint ''street-fighter''But Ive got More Moves Then BISON-GOT!!!

post a link, and please dont get too ahead of yourself

check da top.........

way too long ta read it all but i gave it a quick browse

some good shit in there from what i saw some filler

shoullda drop shorter verse if its feed ya lookin for

but overall it was goo just long winded

stay up n keep droppin like ta see more in the future from ya

ill read it when you obtain a structured format of writin..

get organized kid

I read the whole thing, from start to finish - but I agree with Symbolikull, you need to present your stuff in a cleaner format for easier reading.

Anyway, it was a nice piece - but certainly not worthy of the title "master". You had a few nice lines, but there was a lot of filler in there and some of the lines didn't even make sense. The point of multi-syllabic rhymes isn't to use them so much so that you SOUND like you're good when you're really not. An excellent rapper can bust out a piece like that, with as many multies, and everything would make sense.

For example, what does this mean: Im...Sparking-Heaterz Tall-Llamaz-Reach-Ya Alarmed-With-Da-Reapah...?

Your sparking heaters - I interpret that to mean you're squeezing off bullets from a gun (even though the common, colloquial use for "sparking" usually refers to lighting up a blunt). But you're sparking heaters until llamas reach the person at whom you're firing...? Llamas...? Seriously...? So, when I listen to this, I should fear and respect you because you've got your gun in your hand and you're lettin' off rounds until domesticated, South American ruminant mammals who are related to the camel, walk all the way from where they live to where I am...?

Somehow, they doesn't shine you in a very hardcore light. It just sounds silly.

And you're alarmed with the reaper...? So you have the grim reaper where, in your pocket, or inside your watch or your cell phone, and at some point, the reaper will set off an alarm...? What the fuck does that mean...?

How about this: I Push Fakes-In-Chilled-Streams

You push fake people in streams. Okay, I understand. But they're not just streams into which you're pushing people - they're cold (chilled). Is that really a necessary fact you need to point out...? Of course, not, it's just filler. But there's a lot of it in this piece. Like: Accept-This-Glad. Accept this glad...?

Focus on omitting the filler, making more sense with the things you say and pick a different topic. All these raps about selling drugs, busting gats and "I'm better than you" are getting old. You have a lot of work to do.

jus readin his feed, i would totally have to agree wit him... and well all use filler at some points, but at some point filler is good, but not for content but flow....

jus work on format and structure

IF i put this in a formatted Structure it would make a LONG ASS Post......I Decided it be easier just to read as is instead of formatting it that way all the way threw because i mean come on you gonna see that long ass post and be like "Fuck That"


but Yeah Ima Vet with This battling shit so i know exactly how to format my shit when battling i just felt no need with this piece cuz it was way to long LOL so yep you'll see the Structure whenever i battle but whenever i do drop feeds thats not as long as this then the structure will be there


and Dude who said shit about Llamaz


Its East Coast Slang.............Llamas another term for Gun

well just say gun then?.

and lol @ u being a vet.

Bye..

TrUbLeMaN wrote:...and Dude who said shit about Llamaz


Its East Coast Slang.............Llamas another term for Gun

Funny, I was born and raised in the Bronx, and now live on Long Island, and I've never heard that term before. And it didn't even rhyme with the other words with which you tried to rhyme it. So stop walking around saying you're a vet when you're not. Judging by substance or multies, there are a lot of people here who would crush you.

And saying you didn't format your post because it's not a battle is like saying you didn't wear a seat belt in a car because you were just going to the store. Format your stuff - stop acting like your shit doesn't stink. I posted a ridiculously long piece not too long ago and plenty of people read it. Take pride in your work or don't post anything at all.

Walking Around Like a Vet When Im Not?
Plenty of People here to Crush Me?


Den Do It

50 cent uses the term llama

TrUbLeMaN wrote:Walking Around Like a Vet When Im Not?
Plenty of People here to Crush Me?


Den Do It

Here you go, "MULTI MASTER"...

I've heard the term Llama before.

Y'all niggaz are supposed to be emcees and textcee's...gotta be educated on todays words kid

Anyways...yea...it's not so much that the stucture of ur verse was hard to read...it's easy to read. It's just the way you have in made it take longer to read and go through.

But quality wise...I thought it was definately a read worth my time. I'd give it a 9/10

Good drop.

dude i really can't even read this shit... ur structure is... well.... u have no structure... ur words are all crammed together and when i saw it i lost interest right there... seriously... work on ur structure... and ur multies seemed forced as hell man... from what i could read it was a whole bunch of forced stuff crammed together and brought to us in a shitty fashion...