Hip Hop Forum

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this is a lil sumtin imma do on 16micz beat

i dream of becomign the best in the world//
i lay my head asleep and my body all curled//
im so cold and theres nothing to warm me up//
people gave me the news it tarn me up//
i dont see what there is to do ne more//
im ready to sleep behind a wooden door//
this world got me outta breath//
so i must light up this meth//
it solves my problems of misery//
if u only new my whole history//
ud know why i must rhyme why i must hustle//
why i did tyme and why i use my trigger muscle//
no one knows about any of my past//
if they only knew what in class//
then maybe it would become clearer to ur faces//
i gotta start from scratch teach me the basic//
will u except ne one who isnt black as a rapper?//
it gives u an excuse to call us crackers//
this shit is so unfair its not right//
because it doesnt matter if ur flow is tight//
ur still whack//
ud still get smacked//

still needa work on it ill do that when i get a new mic and ill record it and finish it and heres the beat

ight word man well u wanna get on MSN and help me wit it coz i like tha way you write

micz u worked so hard to make a beat like this... and now... once the kid spits on it... it'll never ever be the same... u should start chargin for beats man for real...

umm lawgix that sounds like a challenge? u think u can do betta on tha beat PROVE IT when i get my mic fixed imma call u out in audio ight and ill give u further information about it

lol even if i had a mic i'd still murk ur ass... maybe when i get to kentucky n i get a good mic i might let u call me out... just go listen to domination with me n ghost when my mic was workin... and tell me if u wanna still audio battle me...

send it to me

its on IL under creation chamber... search for it...

that's an ill beat micz!!!

thanks for tha feed b-bear? haha

Lawgix wrote:its on IL under creation chamber... search for it...

i tried and i got this "You do not have permissions to search any forum on this site."

i found it it was alright nothin special

T.K.6. wrote:i found it it was alright nothin special

OOOOHHHH WAR CRY.

no problem, always appreciate some good feedback..!!

no offence man, but i'm just so fuckin tired of readin verses like yours.. i wanna do this and that, i dream about this and that, look at misrable me and my life.. i want to read somthin else.. that's all.. but since i've first started wrtitin i might as well give u someethin to work on..

structure gotta be more consistent, flow was choppy.. lackin creativity.. sorta heard everything before, understand what i mean.. thinkin outside the box is good.. try concentrating on a topic next time, do some thinkin around that topic, some clever shit.. and put that in your verse.. that's my advice.. then u'd prolly get more feed as well.. that's somethin this site is lackin, people givin feedback!!