Hip Hop Forum

Another perspective of hip-hop


a written sheet of paper explainin my views and meanings
the feelings revealin reality, all embracin and healing
sealing a person's fate and accepting his concealing hate
where words that deprave and enslave the haven of freedom
are being transformed into powerful speeches that so easily exeed em
do we need em, these critics breathin unfounded feedback
against our universal shelter surrounded by weed, crack and dealin
where feeding the aid to people of poverty is generaly succeedin
cause we're overachievin compared to the nations from the G8 meeting
creatin like a public channel where truth unfolds unrestrained
where confessions and revenge takes place without guns or pain
we call it heaven on earth cause it saves dozens of lives
givin men a chance to come home to see their sons and wives
doesn't matter if it's the streets, see it's the same wet tissue
it's the same issue and sadness terrorizing their honest mind
driving families to madness beggin to see him that one last time


I know it isn't that experimental shit some of yall have been lookin for, but sorta liked the idea, even though it's played out.. holla back

Donno Why No-One Gave Feed, One Of The Better Pieces ive Read On Here. The Whole Rhymescheme Was ill And There Was No Problems With The Flow. Vocabulary Was There as Always And The Descriptive Style Really Showed.

Example -

are being transformed into powerful speeches that so easily exeed em
do we need em, these critics breathin unfounded feedback
against our universal shelter surrounded by weed, crack and dealin

--

That Part Was Just ill To Me Haha, Nice Multis And inner Rhymes Throughout, Keep it Up.

thanks man.. appreciate u takin time..

I read this a few days ago. It's funny some of the shit you drop is almost identical to one my styles when I write pieces like this.

I honestly thought the whole thing was strong. The bars were intelligent and creative.

I wouldn't say this is a huge elevation though. You have been dropping strong enough verses for a long time. Though once again like me when you write about anything that doesn't have a punchline you get no feedback.

The vocabulary was pretty good. The rhyme scheme was straight.

Maybe a little bit to much topic jumping especially for eight small bars.

Keep working on perfecting your style.

haha, guess u're pretty influential then.. lol.. but thanks for feedback.. it's much appreciated man!!

I didn't say that.

it's called a joke..

This was nice. Great topic. Always nice to see someone put some thought into a verse. The rhyme scheme was nice, but could be improved. I would love to see you continue with this topic.

I have one suggestion... You employed a fair use of multi-syllabic rhymes in these two lines:

"we call it heaven on earth cause it saves dozens of lives
givin men a chance to come home to see their sons and wives"

Had you said "...their sons and their wives", it would've flowed smoother. Just a thought. When you have the same amount of syllables - even if just one doesn't sound off with another from the matching line - it all comes together.

Good point! Plannin on continuing writin a few verses and see what happens.. thanks 4 feedback, much appreciated!

Nice, I liked it.

thanks.. appreciate feedback

your always on your game, you know your style and it works.

i think ive liked every piece youve ever dropped here.

this was by far prolly your strongest to me, cuz it seems like you actually believe in what your statin and your standin behind it, its a nice change to what were used to readin around here..

big ups to you

thanks.. much appreciated!!!