Hip Hop Forum

i'm arrogant-and-stupid type-to bare-a-fist-and-use it
to tear-your-bitch-in-two with quite-rude but in the right-mood
i'm a nice-new therapist-with-music blaring-issues-thru-it
tear-ya-wrist-in-booths-when genericing-my-blueprint
preparing-to-hit-your-crew with a pair-of-pistols-moving
scaring-bitches-toothless, move-quick or i'll embarrass-you-with-poolsticks
tearing-thru-your-bullshit aware that i'm fairer-with-the-movements
only comparing-to-a-ruthless psycho-serial-killer
so type-flows in your nice-home i'm staring-up-in-to-it
que the lights-yo, appear-in-ya-villa, not caring drunk-&-stupid
fearing-that-killah might-go tear-up-ya-pillas
so you tear-up queer-fuck i'll kill ya

just bored so i wrote a quick piece to attempt to get a lil activity to the site

haha yea its dead, and i havent been here for a while either, nice drop, couple spots where the multies switch and it throws off the flow, unless its just in my head haha

eh the rhyme scheme was sick gave u alot of room to get a "point across" ex.preparing-to-hit-your-crew with a pair-of-pistols-moving
scaring-bitches-toothless, move-quick or i'll embarrass-you-with-poolsticks
tearing-thru-your-bullshit aware that i'm fairer-with-the-movements
only comparing-to-a-ruthless psycho-serial-killer
so type-flows in your nice-home i'm staring-up-in-to-it

not bad, but alot of it looks like you threw words together just so it rhymed.

dope rhyme scheme as usual....title was a lil off...lol or..WAY off..i was like...lalala?...wtf?..lol i was expectin it to b some corny ass shit..but ya pulled thru..lol...nice shit tho.. 8/10...shorter than usual so ill give it a lower score but if it was longer itd ba 9-10/10

yah honestly, i didn't feel this as much as your other pieces. It was lala to me, and i thought it lost flow a lot.

But it was still worth reading

7.5/10

thanks for all the critiques, i'll get back at all your pieces if i haven't already

@typeo, yeah i noticed that too i did this quick on some royce da 5'9 type shit, not really content based

@tom, i did that purposely i write alot of shit with the same flow throughout but if you actually rap it, it comes out sounding alot more boring then something where the flow switches up

It still had some ill lines though

if you look at it more on those lines, then its got some good structure to it. I didn't really think about it that way, but I do that alot too...so yeah, but no need to force shit. If you can't do a multi don't push it, keep structure to the idea...that'll give it more of a brutality to it or what not. It can't just say it to say it all the time. Lots that you did was still strong, but it could be better with the rest of it pulled together.

Take what you will from that.