Hip Hop Forum

hip-hop is my platform to murder tracks
bring a black storm photographed with digital glass
my mission is a task that needs to be finished fast
with a theatrical display like cinemax
in my raps I initiate blood baths to relax
innate facts I say are never debated
overrated is a word that is never conjugated
my metaphors are forever contemplated
every sick thought is calibrated to hit a nerve
psychologically disturbed with the plots I twist
writing until arthritis locks my wrist
even after I drop the pen my hands still twitch
the Illest by definition, my visions are the realist
you must be in a coma if you cant feel this
kool-g-rap-type-shit-vt5133.html

my metaphors are forever contemplated
every sick thought is calibrated to hit a nerve
psychologically disturbed with the plots I twist
writing until arthritis locks my wrist

^^ another pretty solid piece nice imagery

imo very good for a freestyle.
these were my fav lines

psychologically disturbed with the plots I twist
writing until arthritis locks my wrist
even after I drop the pen my hands still twitch
the Illest by definition, my visions are the realist
you must be in a coma if you cant feel this

This was nice, but I felt it started out rough. I didn't understand "bring a black storm photographed with digital glass". And "finished fast" was one syllable short of rhyming with "digital glass" and the last syllable in "Cinemax" doesn't rhyme with "fast". Lastly, why did you use the word "conjugated"...? Do you know what it means...? It is most commonly associated with the inflection of verbs, but can be more generally executed to mean "to join together". So if that's what you mean, then you're saying the word "overrated" (not the compound junction of the two words "over" and "rated") can never be joined together. That would be ironic since you joined the two together as a [proper] compound word.

For someone who doesn't know what "conjugated" means, perhaps that line would fly. But to everyone else, it just looks silly.

Ok. That was way to thorough of a break down on a freestyle.

Though I do appreciate the rigorous feedback.

I use conjugated by the definition of putting two things together. It's not the most commonly used
definition of the word, but one used nevertheless.

Basically it was suppose to be ironic. I'm just saying people don't call me overrated.
I'm not saying its impossible for the two words to be put together.

Fast was just suppose to rhyme with glass. No hidden agenda there.

Max doesn't rhyme perfectly with fast, but it helps keep the flow going.

Finished-fast and cinemax is uneven syllables. Very good point. I wouldn't get many points
for perfection in this piece.

Oh and the black storm concept was a little exaggerated. I basically meant to say I'm taking a picture of a crazy storm, I tried to make the vocabulary make it seem more technological that it actually would be.

complexity wrote:Oh and the black storm concept was a little exaggerated. I basically meant to say I'm taking a picture of a crazy storm, I tried to make the vocabulary make it seem more technological that it actually would be.

I liked the beginning, the whole "black storm photographed" gave me the impression you were going somewhere different with the piece. But then the "digital glass" part threw me way off.

Nah. Good point it was horrific usage of the word.

The piece wasn't really going anywhere.