Hip Hop Forum

On my deathbed

my soul is full of recollections of memories distant but close
like the sun, my insides roast from an unknown ghost full of jokes
a man that spoke of promise and hope but daunted the most
all my accomplishments go up in smoke as the stroke of dawn hits
folks who promised me I would be dope are gone in the mist
opportunities missed lost love haunting the ships in the abyss
ran across the road of existence battled my demons persistence
without Gods assistance a human being at odds with his sense
reminiscing in fog that is dense an unknown distance of smog
polluting my job which was to be true through the laws of nature
pause to save her but lifes nothing more than flaws on paper
realistically Ill admit I was a hater pessimistic of the traitors
the best shit is I expressed my anger through sadistic writtens
possessed by artistic visions assessed only when I was spitten
about death and religion missing the message left deep within
a selection of deception and deceit etched beneath my sketches
barely seen through a crefis cuz I avoided my fathers lessons
he would teach in essence I was a sheep following my own direction
I never showed affection, a boy stuck alone in an unknown depression
I didnt come from a broken home, ours had more love than weapons
yet I was a self-rejecting, drug obsessing unopen drone with no emotion
almost repulsive all the problems I coped with that were imaginary
friends to foes, girlfriends to hoes, I went from clothes to rags in fact
all my soul has left is flows and motherfucker I just spit my last rap

under-construction-vt5025.html

was dope.. u back on track plex.. nice multies.. flow was tight.. really felt this drop man

"polluting my job which was to be true through the laws of nature
pause to save her but lifes nothing more than flaws on paper
realistically Ill admit I was a hater pessimistic of the traitors"

also had some great imagery in it.. vocab is always on point with u.. ill piece man..

thanks

I like when you drop. Pieces like this are interesting .. and you've got great vocab to go along wit it

best line I liked ..
"
I never showed affection, a boy stuck alone in an unknown depression
I didnt come from a broken home, ours had more love than weapons "

ur back on track... keep it up!

thanks everyone

Good shit tom liked the multis , vocab and rhyme scheme
8/10

good shit plex,i felt the emotion in it

i was feelin those lines the most
VVV
folks who promised me I would be dope are gone in the mist
opportunities missed lost love haunting the ships in the abyss
ran across the road of existence battled my demons persistence
without Gods assistance a human being at odds with his sense
reminiscing in fog that is dense an unknown distance

Its always fun to read your shit, I think alot of people look at you like an idol and really enjoy your work. Your definatley back on track lol. This piece was strong with the vocab and it flowed together nicely and was pretty solid...You can write bout some pretty intresting stuff and stay on topic the entire time. I enjoyed reading this piece and I think you should add a part two and three and four etc etc to it

so i never fully read this before, but i did this time. your shit is always good to read like most people have stated, and i think you always use the right words. i dont always see you drop, but when you do its usually great.