Hip Hop Forum

the pressure is buildin up inside of me like cancer
measure my pulse, I'll donate my heart to enhance her
the doctor can't give me an answer, how bout tomorrow?
determined to escape the horror of lookin at my mom dead
when she lies in that bed so peacefully fightin darkness
inspires me to write with sharpness to avoid further sorrow
the narrow balance between victory and defeat is equalizing
your feet are shaky, so i'll help guiding u in your blindness
you've floruished with ya kindness, so God can't take u away
hear my prayer in desperation, I'm beggin u to keep her alive
the respirators verificates your longues' reactivation
torture myself with recriminations cause I made this sitaution
my certification of personality lacked honour and humility
a nightmare turned vividly as i'm stuck with the responsibility
the guilty consience is killin me as I throw myself off the cliff
the rocks are piercing my body at the time I hear my mom sniff..

Nice emotional drop and hopefully not true.

The rhyme scheme on the entire piece was pretty cool.

I think technically there was a few to many inner rhymes for
the flow to keep going with these bars.

this the doctor can't give me an answer, how bout tomorrow?
determined to escape the horror of lookin at my mom dead
when she lies in that bed so peacefully fightin darkness
inspires me to write with sharpness to avoid further sorrow

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Solid piece. Its always nice to see you going out of the ordinary to drop a piece.
The topic was pretty creative. I think it could have been thought out more thoroughly.

Even a full sixteen bars might have worked, if the story contained a little more substance
,which would have been impossible to achieve with the minimal amount of bars you
dropped.

nah, it aint true.. luckily.. my dad thought he had cancer a few years ago (turned out negative), but managed to fight through it, so kinda collceted some inspiration from the incident.. but appreciate feedback plex.. !! uppin..