Hip Hop Forum

this somthin i wrote before going too sleep yesturday,so leave Feedback if u want.

i cant go to sleep my breath is tight,sitting in the middle of the night
wondering what death is like,cuz things are not going so right
life dosent feel sorrow,if u aint promised today,what makes u think
u gonna live tommorow,u living on time thats borrowed
i started learnin bout this shit since i was 11,Im in living hell so i gotta make it to heaven
Would it b? that death would set me free,cuz life itself is just another mystery
im cought up inside this worlds misery,n let me pass on with no one missing me,
i dont wanna see these fake niggas n bitchis on me n kissing me
let me b..a lost memory,destructed in time i wont even be part of history
and when are we gonna realize that they got us all crusified,with our minds nuetrilized
so the only option to stay alive is too survive,in the devils world that every day is a new suprise
every 15 seconds someones DO TO DIE,gotta open your eyes and be wise,and watch for those fake guys that say lies
cant do nothing but grind,im loving my breaths,and i cant sleep,cuz sleep is the cousin of death.



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this shit was actually pretty fuckin decent man, not much for rhyme scheme but was decently wrote witta half ass vocab and such, flow was pretty steady and all that, structure was way off mark, but anyways keep it up.

good looks ill return da favorr ^

yeah, I didnt think it would be as deep as it was. Some parts just really popped out and hit hard. Structure was poopy ca ca but the content all stuck together pretty well. Coulda got more complex with it and expanded your vocab as Ghost said but i still liked this piece. We dont see enough from you!

This whole concept was borrowed.

"life dosent feel sorrow,if u aint promised today,what makes u think
u gonna live tommorow,u living on time thats borrowed"

"cant do nothing but grind,im loving my breaths,and i cant sleep,cuz sleep is the cousin of death."

another borrowed concept

Overall this was solid compared to other things "you dropped".

You stayed on topic and it what you actually did come up with was pretty deep.

7/10

good looks, i know i got the cousin of death shit from nas,but who said
"life dosent feel sorrow,if u aint promised today,what makes u think
u gonna live tommorow,u living on time thats borrowed"?

he was jus sayin that, that particular subject is played out, he didnt say that it was said like that by anyone, i know JJ aka theoneyouhate wrote somethin like that not to long ago though

oh hell yea the subject is played out,but u know im just into writing shit bout that alot you know.