Hip Hop Forum

i like this one a little more. its more of a story i think. i got lazy at the end and wrote some bullshit lines lol. oh well tell me what u think. this is my second drop of trying to get better lol so help me out please and thanks.

listening to me whinning, thinking 'there she goes again'
why is this girl crying? should i tell her it's all pretend?
this is the thought in a man's mind my dear friend
'its ok i'll break her heart it'll eventually mend'
i thought he was perfect, down to the very last pubic hair
deception and lies, i knew they were happening, i was well aware
so why did i stay so long, maybe i thought you'd eventually care
the arrow hit the wrong 'man', i guess cupid lied
that son of a bitch told me true love never died
i was the girl of your dreams, that sparkle in your eye
but i watched you like a spy, you thought you were so fly, realised your ugly in disguise
your as beautiful as diaorreah (sp?), you smell like it too
my vision is now oh so clee ya (clear), and i see your quite the fool
the best thing you did was leave my ass, at least it had more class than you
i guess your just my horrible past, you loved me? i guess i loved you too.

http://www.illestlyrics.com/forum/rando ... t4491.html

drop a link...

oops sorry

this was a nice drop....altho ur second........good none the less....seems to be a true story or a somewhat true story....but it was definatley filled wit emotions from wat i received from it....DROP MORE!!!...

this was aight, kinda dry to me, you had some feelins in there somewhere, but you need to release them in a fury. you need to step up your vocab and rhyme scheme. fix up the structure a bit which will help your flow out in the end. jus keep writin and you will get better and keep elevatin.

i know rap and writing rhymes isn't something ur exactly into... but the more u do it the better u'll become..overall it was kinda choppy.. some comedy/emotions here and there...so keep droppin till u can't drop no more

the arrow hit the wrong 'man', i guess cupid lied
that son of a bitch told me true love never died

^^^ loveeeeeee that line

Sammity Sam you have come a long ass way, I dont care what any of these fuckers say you are doing good. You're trying and putting a GOOD effort into it and practice brings results and that shows in this drop. Reading your last one and then reading this one you can see maddd elevation. I think you're going at a good pace and you're willing to learn and willing to accept any help so Im proud of your sexy ass.

This drop was nice, alot of emotion and your getting alot better. I liked what you had to say so good job girl.


Keep em coming! Pretty soon you'll out write all these losers

yeah it wasnt bad i could see what was coming after each bar though the creativity was a slight problem the pubic hair line didnt do all that much for me..it was still a decent drop it had some good vibes in it witch i think you could improve in

i agree i think that first bit was very predictable

uppin bitchesssss

diorrhea n pubic hair romantic

but overall decent drop more poetic though
flow was off if you dont try already try spittin ya lines out loud or even in ya head it will help ya flow n keep it more simple like i run into the same problem of fillin lines sometimes lines dont have to be longer to hit

example
listening to me whinning, thinking 'there she goes again'
why is this girl crying? should i tell her it's all pretend?
or
listen to me whining there she goes again
why is this girl crying ...is it all pretend
sumthin like that imo
but do u n nice drop

Yes it was a nice drop..your gettin better so keep on..things u need to stay away 4rm is throwin in a word jus to rhyme ex. Diahorea(spl?)..n the whole pubic hair..couldnt u have jus said hair lmao..but overall ur improving..

thanks buddy

well you're improving, instead of talking about phonesex you opt to talk about pubic hair and diarrhea

this was more coherent and on-topic than anything else i've read from you the a-b a-b rhyme scheme was cool some parts were a lil-choppy, it fell off badly towards the end like you said

you're going in the right direction though, your complexity in most aspects is still pretty average but at least you're rhyming about something instead of just random bullshit like most beginners(and non-beginners) do, basically when you're writing your messages/topics are good you just need to improve in complexity so you can be more vivid and clever with getting the point across

"well you're improving, instead of talking about phonesex you opt to talk about pubic hair and diarrhea"

lmfaoo u never cease to entertain me or make me crack up. ok ill stop the flirting <3 thanks for the feed, and i DON'T ALWAYS talk about sex, you guys are just dirty minded and take words the wrong way jesus! haha