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another old poem of mine, leave feed y'all!

I open my eyes slowly and try to clear my mind//
I can feel the wet pavement beneath me and I sigh//
Cus now I feel how my guts are burning//
I turn my head and stare madly that little vermin//
Who's standing above me, his hands in his pockets//
He's staring at me with blind eyes, his smile's like toxic//
I move my hand a bit and touch my tummy//
I feel something wet and warm, I look at my hand it's all bloody//
Gastric acid flows slowly into my body//
From my stomach, and it hurts like hell, why doesn't he just stop this//
But he's been planning for this since the very beginning//
He just keeps on smiling and enjoys when I'm suffering//
Suddenly this cold feeling begins to sneak into my heart//
I breath heavily, I'm cramping and everything goes dark//
I'm leaving this world behind, how come I didn't notice the signs//
All I can see now is dim figures//
And then sumone pulls the trigger 'n' the pain goes away quicker//
So I'm dying and he's smiling, you got your victory, you happy?//
It's too bad we never came a long that well, my dear daddy...//

Who's standing above me, his hands in his pockets//
He's staring at me with blind eyes, his smile's like toxic//

liked that bar^^^...structure was a b it sloppy but 4 a poem it was alright...overall it wasnt bad...not bad drop...stay writin -1-

aiight thanks for tha feed homeboi

keep it coming people!

I totally did not expect that ending...lol. And you use some REALLY odd words randomly. But I liked this drop - you surprise me everytime I read your shit, I never know what to expect next. Good job though, keep em coming

heh thanks, I appreciate it

Wow ..
This is a Shockin` Poem ..
i Liked it Though ..
it Wasn`t Predictable ..
Tha`s Wat i Liked Most about it ..
Very Nicely Done ..
Keep Doin` U ..

thanks for the positive feedback dawg! much appreciated

upping!

damn this shit was crazy ill, and that endin was perfect and very creative and surprisin and all that. i really liked this drop from you spoof. keep doin yuh thing girl.

big ups

full tilt

thanks for the feed homeboi! much appreciated

upping!