Hip Hop Forum

Posted: **Tue Jan 17, 2006 11:20 am**

blood on my face
blood in my lines
blood in my waist
blood in my eyes
i wanna dye now so help me god
i wanna wanna die now my future's too broad

i killed two people yesterday,the two where gay
drove drunk an got caught the same day
one was my cousin the other some guy name allen
u know how sad i'm feelin very sad i'm tired of guilty pleadin
ofcourse i've killed more people than that, i am a killer an i can't erase that fact
i want my life to suddenly change, my motives remain unchange
i'm with nobody but me , please help me, i'm a demon trapped in a human body
i want to make it to heaven but the light is too bright
i want to pray today but i don't know if i make it tonite
with these nightmares that potray me, they grab me
and drag me into murdering world entity
the devil smokes and mocks
can you hear them calling for you
can you hear them calling for you
i'm fucking afraid , afraid to go to hell
it seems so real i can take the smell of hell
dead rotting corpses burning dead corpse upon other corpses
thats why i wanna dye now, not soon but now

blood on my face
blood in my lines
blood in my waist
blood in my eyes
i wanna dye now so help me god
i wanna die cuz my future's too broad

i cant bear my sins too many deadbodies entwined like sianese twins
i want ya comfort, i want ya strength
i want to heal the hurt an escape death

i'm makin a song with dis piece tell me what you think

Posted: **Tue Jan 17, 2006 11:25 am**

the whole concept of it works..but u repeat things alot..and there really isnt much of a flow...not much rhymes either...umm id say go back...n change things around...get a lil bit of a rhyme scheme...if ne thing u can always IM me er somethin if u need help...i have a feeling u dont write much?...or u do..and that wasnt one of ur best pieces...not sure

Posted: **Tue Jan 17, 2006 11:31 am**

nah jus had it on my book so i posted it der i do sum writing but not much as i used too
but i'll elevate on dat

Posted: **Thu Jan 19, 2006 10:25 am**

this was basic as fuck, "i killed" then half a bar later "i'm a killer" lmao, and you said your cousin was gay if you realize it or not... didn't even rhyme some bars, rhymed hell with hell...

c'mon now dog