Hip Hop Forum

she got hit jaw split raw split raped no escape never saw it
he use 2 beat her till she had a ceaser.. still "bang n knee'd"
her till she was "red" like had a fever, will i see a ahead?
asked god its clear he aint need her but she had a kid
he took his bat and kick'd till she had massive ripps
across her back n hips like "game" let blood "wrap"
her lips no love all they did was laugh thats sick
he claimed to change then rearanged her vains
bleedin thru her skull innocent brain jus rained the
pains insane why her? let the "water sink in dirt" like
ice bergs he still beat like sex "you piece of shit"
he would feed her head strikes till she freezed on
bed "NO! STOP!" he seized her legs "no one wants you"
then her meat would spread , nex day "im tellin
its sore" he laugh'd in her face choked her with a telephone
cord told her i'll send shells thru you whore then take ya
son leave him dead on the floor..

The further it got into the story it got worst. It started out pretty good. Kinda a sad poem. I hope you aren't doing that to someone. Lol. Not horrible like your last poem. And this one almost fits in this category. Keep working on it.

shit was gud i thought,ur structure seems 2 b gettin betta but u needa lil work

sorta disturbing...yet there is alot of raw emotion, in that aspect this is a good piece, you are gettting better keep at it

100% WHat Depth Said your gettin better keep it up

This is a Good Piece ..
Hella Disturbin` to Read Though ..
U Stayed On Topic ..
Struture is Gettin` Better ..
i Thought it Was a Good Read ..