Hip Hop Forum

This Was A Song I Wrote After Me An My Ex Broke Up...

(Verse 1)
I'm takin you back 5 months Ago,
When I thought my heart was Untouchable,
To the first time I Saw ya Face,
I fell inlove for I even Caught ya Name,
Thinkin This couldn't be Happenin,
Comin from Cleveland use to Keepin my Guard Up,
Pushin away an rippin Apart From,
Anything Close to Me, I aint Pose to Be,
The one that Hopes to See, a Girl by my Side,
Barryin my face in the paper puttin the World Aside,
An before I least expected Things to Change,
It was Too Late, I came to a new State,
But who Knew that I'd Stay?,
When the Choice was Givin,
All I could think about was ya Voice an Vivid,
Recollection of ya Face,
a Relashionship that'd I'd Wrestle to Embrace,
An Yo' it's gettin Emotional Now,
Ever since I saw this Angel Float from the Clouds,

(Verse 2)
Now I'm tryna think how Deep was our Bond,
Since with in a Week you was Gone,
It's hard to Sleep Even Yawn,
I can't believe that ya Gone,
Sittin here lookin at Pictures of Us,
Watchin them Glissin wit Love,
It feel like a 100 pounds Pickin em' Up,
I can't barely Face Them,
To see your smile an the Look in ya Eyes,
Where you appear happy but Crooked Inside,
I just wanna Let you Know,
it wasn't Best to Go,
I never thought of you Less then Gold,
You told me what we had was Incredible,
But Yo' I guess some people don't Mean what they Say,
I wish on Everything that you'd Stay,
But Apparently you don't See us that Way,
When I thought Everything was just Great,
Yo' I'll always be here, it's never too Late,
As long as your happy I'll never Complain,
An I want you to Know,
That I Love you to death an I'll never Let Go,

http://illestlyrics.com/board/some-of-m ... t2850.html

I Lyke Da Emotion Brought In Dis Piece Bou Ya
Gurl Dats How u Gotta Do It In Pieces Like This
Structure Nice .. Some Things could Be Related To So Thats Good It Came Out Strong Even Wit That
Concept

Word Man, Thanks For The Feed, Appreciate It.

Still Uppinn

No Problem With The Multis Or Flow, They Were Present n Consistent The Whole Way Thru. No Doubt it Was Filled With Emotion. 1 Of The Best i Seen From u...But Are u Gnna Finish it?

Awesome story man. Sorry about that shit.

This piece was really vivid/had good imagery.

"Barryin my face in the paper puttin the World Aside,
An before I least expected Things to Change,
It was Too Late, I came to a new State,
But who Knew that I'd Stay?"

Very descriptive. Which I like. I could relate in some sense to some of the story. Which is great.

Only a few lines weren't to good but most of it was consistent like someone else said up there. Good job.
8.9/10

pretty straight i liked the 2nd verse better it rhymed and flowed better pretty nice drop...cupid hit u with an arrow...lol 7.5/10