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Cant Feel My Face
Posted: Mon Dec 25, 2006 12:50 am
by Haz
http://illestlyrics.com/board/post13476.html#13476
Line Afta Line Somethin Like A Artist/
Take One To Da Mind Brain Patterns
At Hardest/ My Rows Like Stadiums "Contract Largest"
Da Passage Is Small..Let It Snow Er Time Im Crackin
Da Ball Just A "Tube" Lyk test babys still "Passin it
Raw"/ One Wiiff Of This Shit Im Laughin At Yall/
My Jaw? I Cant Feel It Lyk Teeth Got Drillin/
Cavaties A Catastrifie My Teeth Got "Fillin"/
Whole Dome High .. Lyk Attached To Da Ceilin/
Drinkin Pepsi Grippin "coke".. Huge lines Few Times
N im "rippin dope"/ not In the kitchen nope i Ratha put
da Mixin Dose in A Specific note .. Lit it whole
WHOO (Whu) Lyk G unit driftin Smoke/ No Life
To My Cheeks Dont Need A Bite To Eat...
Cause I Migh Jus Leave "The Light" i Breathe/
I Cant Feel My Face Lyk I Got In a fight with Teeth/
Posted: Mon Dec 25, 2006 7:37 am
by -TraMaTiK-
Line Afta Line Somethin Like A Artist
Take One To Da Mind Brain Patterns At Hardest
(fav part by the way)and u c how i made that into a bar all lookin equal in ish lol daz what im tryna tell u 2 do but neways gud ishhhh like always keep droppin -1-
Posted: Mon Dec 25, 2006 9:10 am
by 16 Micz
i liked it
Da Ball Just A "Tube" Lyk test babys still "Passin it
Raw"/
i liked that line creative, it had nice flow topic was pretty dope as well as creative and i liked how u stuck to the topic that was nice too...keep it up maybe we could collab soon or something..
overall:8
Posted: Mon Dec 25, 2006 9:55 am
by Haz
Thanks Man lol Yea Its Whaddeva
Posted: Tue Dec 26, 2006 5:01 pm
by drunken jesus
why the hell do you write like
this?/ cause it really doesn't make any
sense/do you get what i'm
saying?/
you didn't force multis quite as much in this piece but some rhymes were a lil questionable
you seem to be improving in lil increments though so good job
Posted: Wed Dec 27, 2006 3:07 am
by complexity
At Hardest/ My Rows Like Stadiums "Contract Largest"
That whole thing where you leave out words like "my" contracts largest.
It just sounds retarded. In my estimation.
Posted: Wed Dec 27, 2006 4:09 am
by Haz
lol ok
Posted: Wed Dec 27, 2006 9:18 am
by B-Bear
u need to change that rhyme scheme man.. it's just fuckin annoying.. lol
but liked ya story, improvement is there, but not enough.. maybe try and use some more time in reading ya lyrics and look over then before posting..
fav line
Da Ball Just A "Tube" Lyk test babys still "Passin it
Raw
Posted: Wed Dec 27, 2006 1:15 pm
by Haz
Aiight Thanks lol Er One Getz Annoyed By Da Way I Structure My Shit ..
Posted: Wed Dec 27, 2006 3:01 pm
by Momeijah
Da Passage Is Small..Let It Snow Er Time Im Crackin
Da Ball Just A "Tube" Lyk test babys still "Passin it
Raw"/ One Wiiff Of This Shit Im Laughin At Yall/
^^ Fav Lines. Overall it Was Ok. Flowed Nice But The Structure Coulda Been a Whole Lot Better
Posted: Wed Dec 27, 2006 3:24 pm
by Viral
it was pretty decent...da lines dat everyone else said dey liked is wat stuck out to me also..ur structure is fucked..but too bad if dey cant read it..fuck em...i write my shit how i want now...and for the people who can read it right...dey like it...for the people who cant so much...dey dont...its tooo bad..lol
Posted: Wed Dec 27, 2006 4:23 pm
by Haz
lol Aiight Thanks Man