Hip Hop Forum

never look back the path is black.. darkness impact
thoughts jus git packed/ punches sent like a strip
match.. keep my headforward (slip crack)/
da cameraz off diz real Lyk Steven "flip dat"/
fam fly im da man i .. stand high no emotion
so dey cant eye/world picture perfect?
only when u cam guy..heaven keep
slippin like a sand sky/im straight
fa fate lookin back is mistaked , they'll
be back n spit traced..cant look
both ways authoritys proclaimed a split
face/ anotha story leave'd bums "shit faced"/
coldniss mixed sumtymez da piff-laced/ i wish
life never exist this way/prescense of heaven
or feelin of demin/mention the lesson "seein
is bein"/ succeedin the meetin den spirit is
leavin .. sharin the meanin of livin/ thoughtz "roc hard" 2 make it
same one cleanin the kitchen/ i'll write this fright till i fight
at site ..might get right or the light of life will "bite my kite"..
sky high this type is hyped/caskit filled a ghost thats ill.. chosen skill
forced to remorse n spill/every course is real .. horror fills ya skull
till grilld..till the next hata "force his will" n pours the still/

its seeing is believing.

its like you wanted to just put words together that rhymed, its all forced, and its not even giving you some sort of concept. Its all well....bull, I don't see any accomplishments here.

The begining was half ass decent, and then you just well...fucking sucked. I can't put it any other way.

na I Mean "seein is bein" Lyk When U Seee Ur In Human form ...

ummm..wish to expand on that?

na Not Really

then it makes no god damn sense. Even from whatever aspects I have come up with, it makes no sense.

hot idc what dat dude says i liked it gud ish 4 a poem my fav part doe wuz this

''m straight
fa fate lookin back is mistaked , they'll
be back n spit traced..cant look
both ways authoritys proclaimed a split
face/'' <<--nice keep droppin homie i like ya ish -1-

Aiiight ... ok listen .... diz whole shit iz about neva lookin back at da bad .. n doin bad shyt so u migh not make it in heaven .. n bein thankful fa whadd u got
n when i sed .. "seein is bein"... i meant if u look thru sight your goin along wid ya livin .. n u keep bein u ...

see, all you had to do was say that last part.

I understood the rest of the concept you ment with it, but that line just didn't apply at first.

As I said, the begining was decent, then you just forced a bunch of shit to try too hard.

Don't do that.

yea i kno whadd u mean .. lyk sumtymez i'll do a bar n nex bar i'll put lyke 2 or 3 rymin wordz wid da las bar las wordz gotta work on it dough

typeo i the real stop hatin man,i no u tryna give advice which iz koo but let em do hiz thang he gotta learn HIS WAY not from ppl tellin him cuz if he do then he gonna be molded inta sumthin he shudn't b...so juz let em do hiz thang feel me?-1-

Dude, if he keeps on molding the way hes going, I wouldn't even read anything he writes.

He forces so much shit it makes it a eye sore to read.

And no thats not what I ment Hazard, you can do that all you want, but don't force it, you gotta actually use things so that the bar makes sense.

And By The Way Tramatik, I can clearly see you don't even know what I'm doing, I don't want to mold him, I don't want to tell him how to write, because even if I did it wouldn't be something I would actually like. I'm just trying to show him how to atleast not have people like me saying that he sucks ass all the time.

i no what ur doin ur given him feed DUH...i wuz statin he shud learn by himself since most everybody has 2 neways

Hmmm, this might be true, but usually they start off better than he is.

Its hard to get to the actual concept. When we are trying to figure out the blasphemy your trying to say homie.

I also disagree. Feedback is essential to becoming better at anything. Without constructive cristism you will always think your great. Hence they have a coach in sports. A instructor in karate. A teacher in english. We are here as critics to once in a while make your ego go up. But that only happens because at one point we put it down. We aren't here to be complimenters.