Hip Hop Forum

I posted on:
sumthin I just started working on-although his title was mispelled crazy
and on something blake downs posted a freestyle I think


I'm like a fallen angel thats been exiled from heaven//
you'll probably never see me smile-I'm defiled and desperate//
so it's a childish question....for me to ask for forgiveness//
thats why I carry this burdon even through all this mischief//
but it comes with a sentence,and now I'm cursed with these words//
... I brought an omen to the world,a world where people don't learn//
and yet they speak in concern that lacks a heartfelt sincerety//
thats why the purpose I must serve is to give you people clarity//
so TRY to embarass me----->I'm as real as it GETS//
I'm like the lead in those slugs while your filling a CLIP//
so what your feeling is this-my very souls in this ink//
thats why you know what you know,because I chose IT to BE//
I am known in the streets-as tha prophet of DEATH//
Fatal X I'm bringing LOSS like I hopped on yo chest
what other options are left?-except to live on the EDGE
and bring the earth to its knees like its taking a pledge


this is something I wrote rather quickly and when I say freestyle you know I mean there is no real editing involved

u got me lost completely u went in 1 direction then switched it up around tha end so tha message i grasped at 1st didnt mean nothin at tha ending... after tha clarity bar is where u lost me it was a nice drop til u completely abandoned ur starting message n i will continue 2 say this til im blue in tha face gangster hardcore hip hop is dead no1 wants 2 hear it anymore so unless u big or pac or sum1 around that time period of hardcore hip hop its pointless.. this was dope til u lost me or 4 that matter got side tracked 2 rhyme words... this is jus constructive feedback not a jab at u personally (sidenote)*it was my piece u feed that was misspelled all crazy but im not illiterate or an english major i guess u can say im a casuality of txt speak

The beginning really got me, got lost somewhere in the middle, and then I got back into it at the end. Some of your rhymes seemed really forced, or just a bit of a stretch. Your vocab is pretty good and there were some stand out lines in there, and you had a consistent flow.