Hip Hop Forum

Not 100% sure if I'm Collabing on this with Synapse or if I'm making a second verse. Either way, this is the first verse and would love some feed on it.

[center]Alright, send us to the therapist,
Show him we're both crazy as we dress up in our selfishness,
Relish in your colors, dig up our fist arrangements,
Use words? Screw em, 'cause it's always the same shit,
Let's face it, this relationship isn't going to make it,
I'm going insane when the luxury I envisioned in my brain,
Isn't the same as the harsh reality riddled with shame,
Let's reminisce about the old days, but the feeling wont be the same,
I've realized my dream and you're still ripping at my seams,
'cause if we don't fly together, then we're burning with the leaves,
So let's play in the misery, picking our wounds until they bleed,
Don't let me believe in the sea when I'll drown when you leave,
Stay out of the artery on my sleeve so I can finally be free,
But here I am, chin above water, pretending I can breathe,
Please cease fire, 'cause I'm out on my fucking feet,
Chained to the bottom, with nothing but the thoughts I conceive[/center]

As I said before, me likey. Topic is to my preference, vocab is great as is your imagery, and the flow is pretty consistent as well.


Don't let me believe in the sea when I'll drown when you leave,
Stay out of the artery on my sleeve so I can finally be free,
But here I am, chin above water, pretending I can breathe,

I think those are my favorite lines.

Imagery is on point, and I have a lot of appreciate for off-rhymes like "selfishness" with "therapist"... it's a style I appreciate a lot because it's unpredictable and gets people to listen more. Dope as fuck piece and I can flow it almost perfectly, until I got to the end I lost the flow. But maybe it works a lot better when you spit it, idk.

Anyway, good work. 8.5/10

Keep it up