Hip Hop Forum

This is my last piece written. Ever since I've had writers block and trying to battle through it. Been 3 weeks now. I've come here for help on Writers block and to grow as an artist, person, and writer. Thank you for reading.

Confessions of a silent clown, drip down the sidewalk,
The white chalk drew an outline where the cries stopped,
He smiled because he was told to, an only child with no fortitude,
Distorted the borders of the corridors to see what horrors could scorn him,
Now let's head back to when little David was eight,
Couldn't duck to his room til the blue sky matched his face,
Contemplative in his nature, Why hate to love when you can love to hate?
Use the sun as bait and make the moon carry the weight,
An aspiring sadist emerged at a young age,
An Atheist with no chains from God to stop him from causing pain,
Broke hearts, bones, lives, - any form of clay taking shape,
Rendering his just as broken in the name of faith,
Now David traded adolescence for a shining addiction,
It held six convictions hostage longing to spill crimson,
His mission was simple: destroy all visions and symbols,
Egotism drizzled like a politician with a pistol,
Now, the white chalk held more than a body on a sidewalk,
It's where the light plots to find God to spite the wrongs,
The blight caused wont be cured when time hits dawn,
But with flight gone, his outline will live on.

Ok, here's what it is. It's an interesting piece. I think you have a strong and diverse vocabulary to call on, and that always stacks up in your favor. On the multi tip, I didn't see too many instances of strong usage, this could have been intentional, or not. I wouldn't sweat technicality so much at this point, you seem to have developed a keen sense of how to move emotions through words, so just stick to that until mastery overtakes you. i would say to probably feather in the edges of your pieces with a little more meaning, a little more solid imagery, it'll only help in the long run. Stick around and keep elevating, man. Also, you should feed at least two pieces and leave feed links in your posts, or no one will feed you. Feed for feed, man. Everyone wants a turn, and that's probably why no one's responded to this yet. Just letting you know to feed a few pieces before this gets locked and really slept on. Peace.

Yeah I fed 3 pieces so far. 2 of them not entirely in-depth but the last one I disected every line.

With the Multi's, I've learned what I like and don't like about Multi's. When I was training myself on writing Multi's, almost full lines and every line would rhyme. I didn't really like the sound of that. I usually just write what comes to me and worry less about the technicality only because delivery will squash it and it wont 100% matter. I do try to add multi's in all of my pieces - though. Some stronger than others.

"i would say to probably feather in the edges of your pieces with a little more meaning, a little more solid imagery" Can you explain what that means? Only because I genuinely don't understand exactly what you mean.


Thank you for the criticism bro, this only helps me grow. Harsh is good. Thanks