Hip Hop Forum

This was the first rap I ever wrote and recorded.
Lyrics
Intro:
Ever since I lost you I've felt lost. You were there for me when no one else was. How can I forgive you for leaving me? I hate myself but you gave me something worth fighting for. You. Here we go.

I hate my rhymes but I hate everyone else's more. I'll continue to spit with spite when you come knocking on my door. Can't even trust myself anymore I've slammed my heart to the floor, countless times with my own fist and never once have I mothafucking missed. Been dissed been pissed? Yes I have. I've fallen so far so fast and keep ending up last. Rhymes will only get you so far before they start to mar, your reflection. I've tried to make my pain into something beautiful. A paper crane that could fly away. But all I've made is a bird with a broken wing that's locked in a cage and cannot sing. Tragedy is the only mask I wear and the paper it's made out of refuses to tear. Please try not to stare, me down when I'm already on the ground. I've carried your hate your pain your rain like a red stain across my black and blue heart. Tried not to let it get to me but it wrapped it's fingers around my throat and squeezed. So I, pulled the trigger and we fell apart you were ready for a new start. You left me with the memories. Footprints across my mind that only you and I could find. Fuck me? Well fuck you. For forgetting me so quick so soon. I apologize for so many tries towards loving you and everything you put me through. Thought I could fix you but you were too mixed up to, realize the trouble you'd gotten yourself into. Your bitching broken heart broke mine in half. 2-1 let's do the math. I hate your pity. And I hate your love. When you come looking I'll be long gone, my love.

I used to think that meds would fuck up minds but hell if I knew, they helped mine. Lithium's running through my blood so I stay off that manic mode, I'm dealt the hand that I can't fold. What did it take for me to deserve this shit, please excuse the language I've tied my luck in a half hitch bitch. And I'm filthy rich with a glitch. Got rhymes and prime times with a cherry flavor that I'll savor in my favor. I can't be who I am because of this, damn. I've been chewed up and spit out too many times to count. But I, won't let it get to me better pay up your fees. The times they are a changin' and I'm a rearrangin', my heart and my mind I'm done doing time in this prison where I get no air and no one gives a care. Here I go, wanting mo' I've got pride up to perfection and I'm done with the lesson ever ended up last because of your past? Well mine knocked me out like Nyquil got me feeling like I'd never fill. I've got the world on a string and your just a puppet. Leave you speechless as a mime as I spit my rhyme. Take back your comebacks before I come right back on your bitch ass. Sick of your jokes they don't get me pumped up like coke. Haha. I'm on a roll despite the fact I got the hand I can't fold. Over and out I'm about to hit that speed go 150 mph that's my creed. This is me. All I'm ever gonna be.

I'm on a one way ticket to hell, and I'm not coming back. I've got rap tatted all over me like a black cat. Unlucky rhymes don't give me signs they only mock at the sidelines. Fuck that I want reaction instead of your distraction. This bitching heart has been torn apart like Picasso's art. Fear is what's tamed me and blame is what's shamed me. Love is just hatred in disguise and I'm your worst nightmare on the rise. The tables have turned watch and learn. My demise is despised but so is yours you've got rain, sleet, snow and a heavy downpour. Do you know what it's like to watch life pass you by? Shit, I feel like I wasted mine, They say time isn't wasted when you're getting wasted. That's what I used to believe but now all I can do is grieve. I know how to live fast and die young, get shunned while on the run. Suicide homie is what I almost committed but I fucking didn't. Jumped off a bridge I almost did because I thought I'd run out of what to bid. Faced paranoia and depression to the limit but I'm in it to win it. I watched you walk away knowing exactly what to say. And I said it. But you didn't give a fuck just my fuckin' luck. I've lost myself in the moment thanks to manic been panicked like dammit. But I'm coming back to all the reason I've been waiting for. All I want is you and nothing more. Stared so hard at my reflection in the mirror till I started to smile and now I'm running mile for mile.

[soundcloud]http://soundcloud.com/peyotepearl/bitchin-spittin[/soundcloud]

4 ur 1st shit this aint bad but i did sumthin 2 tha same beat check it out
goin-in-on-stay-schemin-n-my-verse-from ... 25637.html

lyrics were koo, instead of letting the beat carry your words, let your words carry the beat, if that makes sense to you

you're rushing a lot of words here and there, you got a more poetic feel on this, you have your own beat going on in your lyrics, so it's like 2 beats clashing at a different tempo, freestyle the words you wanna say, then do the same thing for the next line(rhyme/w.e) then repeat the 2 with the beat, try to repeat it onto the beat with a playback so you can hear it as you say it so you know what you sound like, it's a lot harder trying to perfect it when you can't hear the result till after it's recorded

sometimes what sounds good to us while we're doing it turns out to lack a lot of substance when we hear the end result, you need more emotion to it, but first you need to feel more comfortable with the beat and with what's being said and the clash of it all, all of my early music lacked emotions and it was cause i really had none, so i had to develop false ones unfortunately lol

but do whatever works for you, you have lots of potential, and for the most part you were on beat, you just gotta emphasize a bit and let it be known, volume is something that can be fixed with proper mixing, but emotions can't really be added, so get in your comfort zone and let your words find freedom

What do you mean when you say freestyle the words you wanna say when I already have them written down?

wat he means is when u write spit it take 2 of ur bars n spit it 2 tha beat see if it matches up wit ur style if not maybe u need 2 take sum words out or rewrite it if it sounds rite 2 u spit tha nxt 2 bars

i mean before you write it, think of what you want to say, but don't write it, say it outloud with the beat, if it matches, then write it down, and do each line like that, it's a slow process at first till words and rhymes naturally comes to u, if you write what u want to say first, molding it to fit the beat is going to end up being more difficult

you cant force your words to the beat, u just gotta flow with it, if you really like the beat you're using then let the beat carry you, eventually you'll carry the beat, but you gotta get the rhythm first, your rhythm sounds poetic as is, without a beat would probably suit you fine


here's one thing you can do, listen to artists like common and mos def, they both have a poetic type of flow, try to mimic that style, once you got that down put your own mixture to it, that way you get the momentum going, your voice needs more ups and downs, when i first started people kept telling me it wasn't loud enough, that was far from the issue, volume is hardly ever a factor, instead i needed to throw a little attitude, pretend you're explaining to someone whatever message you're trying to get across, unfortunately for a lot of us, we listen to the rhythm and tone of the artists before we acknowledge the message in the lyrics, so try some silly tracks, anything goofy too loosen you up vocally