Hip Hop Forum

let me introduce you all to myself right here//
just revvin it up before i switch into gear//

start it up quick while i got somethin to spit//
been told my whole damn life that i might as well quit//
tellin ya right now i wont change a bit//

tell me im small? ill come up big//
think you tough shit man listen to this//

shootin for the stars, while you stand rooted on earth//
havent been good this far, but this is my rebirth//
written so many bars best believe this isnt my first//
stay up writing all night, i can sleep when i die//
the hearse is waitin, ready to go for a ride//
man im lyrically superior, you intelligently inferior//
i dont got a nice car with black suede interior//

"pop pills, smoke weed, take ecstacy"
"get pussy, drink beer, sip hennesee"
what the fuck has rap turned into cant you see?//
the music i hear today is the dumbest shit ive ever seen//
hip hop is dead, im CPR certified//
i have no favorite rappers, wonder why?//
the rap game today is so cut and dry//
gangstas, thugs, insects, bugs//
squash you fools with a cavemans club//
you aint never winnin, chicago cubs.//

I see where you were going with this. some things threw me off, such as this transition where your bar count was odd and as such your continuity was thrown off:

shootin for the stars, while you stand rooted on earth//
havent been good this far, but this is my rebirth//
written so many bars best believe this isnt my first//
stay up writing all night, i can sleep when i die//the hearse is waitin, ready to go for a ride//

Alot of people could say alot of different things that they'd like to see changed. I'd say don't change anything, be yourself, write what comes to mind, and grow personally as an artist. I would say step up your multi game, which as of now seems non existent. (multi syllable rhymes; Example: Hurt me to hear, perfectly clear) Feel me? Fuck a structure as long as you can maintain a flow, incorporate some sick multies into the piece, and deliver content that does justice to the topic.

No hate man, just wanna see you grow, and I'm glad you came here to Illest to do it. Welcome to the Illest fam, keep writing and dropping, and elevation is inevitable.

Not bad for a start man, you gotta work on consistency in yours bars though. Find a topic and stick to it. There's plenty you've got to learn, but for now just try workin on perfecting your flow and staying consistent, because those are important elements.. keep doin your thing