Hip Hop Forum

She travels the halls in the shadows of solitude/
Ready to battle and fall before unravelin all the truths/
So she won't let em close, treats em like they're steppin stones/
Tip toein so she won't slip knowin that they would detect the hoax/
But the depression shows, even though she acts sincere/
The plastic cheer plastered to her face doesn't mask the fear/
It won't eclipse the cries, won't dismiss her wish to die/
The kids ignored whenever she wore a sweater in mid July/
Just to hide her neck and arms everytime he left a scar/
Every scrape and bruise escaped from view without a question mark/
No one to protect or guard her from the rough abuse she suffered thru/
So she trusted few, like what's the use, now the drugs are her substitute/
He crushed her youth, he'd rape and touch her instead of embrace and hug her/
So she gave it up to every wasted schmuck, convinced its the only way they'd love her/
Then one day discovered the active trait to her tragic fate/
So she went back to Dad for one last charade and told him she contracted AIDS.

very different.. the rhyme scheme is basic but solid.. i liked it because i wasn't sure where it was goin' while i was reading it and it took a twist at the end.

Interesting, that is the first time I've ever been told my rhyme schemes are basic. Care to elaborate or did you perhaps skip over all the interal multies in pretty much every bar? Just curious, that's all.

The Gonz wrote:Interesting, that is the first time I've ever been told my rhyme schemes are basic. Care to elaborate or did you perhaps skip over all the interal multies in pretty much every bar? Just curious, that's all.

I didn't mean basic in a negative way. I guess basic wasn't an accurate word to describe it. The transitions and pattern was consistent, which made it a smooth read.

Ah, okay lol. Sorry if I came off as a little arrogant but you know how it is lol.

what up G drop another like this very nice

Deep, concise and vivid, powerful verse

Dope, rhyme schemes were perfect, transitions were consistent and solid, flow was flawless

"Just to hide her neck and arms everytime he left a scar/
Every scrape and bruise escaped from view without a question mark/"

dope internal rhymes, couple forced multies here and there, ending also seemed rushed, but other than that, ill shit.