Hip Hop Forum

The middle class,
Living in a delusional dream,
Blinded by the lies on the media screens.
It's easy, there's no struggle to survive,
But in a monotonous fallacy it's hard to truly feel alive.
Instincts are embedded in a biological sense,
So like it or not, they need to be fed.
And if you've never had to run or fight for your life,
You're safe but there's an empty feeling inside.
So we develop some fetish-ridden, corrupted philosophical model,
A complacent, manufactured state or become a slave to the bottle.
If you wanna be happy it's best to be ignorant,
If not, you realise your little suburban dream is not so innocent.

Because whole societies thrive
On the fruits of humanities crimes,
And for every one of your smiles,
There's a thousand cries to the sky,
From people begging for life or simply wishing they'd die.
You stupid motherfuckers, why don't you open your eyes?
And though i've been hypocritical,
I won't let myself be a pawn,
As recognising a problem, is how revolutions are born.
But it's hard when your position benefits from the oppression;
It's not human nature to fight for a lifestyle regression,
For fucks sake, we complained about the economic recession.
But in the current state of existence,
There's just not enough to go round,
While religion and politics keep us tied to the ground.
We belong in the clouds,
So stop waiting and start listening now,
What starts as a whisper
Can become the loudest of sounds,
And free the minds of the people,
As it sweeps through the crowd.

Its pretty dope but idk I feel like if you say it out loud it'll come off as more of a poem that a rhyme you know what I mean? idk it coulda used some wordplay and metaphors ... cuz it just sounds like ya talking shit you know what I mean venting and real shit about some real shit and making it rhyme you coulda made it better than that

I thought this was executed nicely...it does seem like your just talking shit though
if you really want someone to take a piece like this seriously....dig deeper man...
you gotta draw out some raw emotion for this piece for people to understand what your saying
you don't want to come off as an asshole do you?? or maybe you want to...regardless...keep writing

First up, thanks for the feedback guys, it's appreciated. I ask this question in the least defensive way possible: Talking shit? I don't understand what you mean by this...Is it that you don't agree with what I'm saying or is it that you don't understand the message due to lack of clarity on my part? I apologise for the lack of emotion however it's not really meant to be an emotional piece, rather an objective observation of the position and subsequent mentalities of the majority of my peers.

And as far as coming off an an asshole, I'm not really concerned about that. I can be an asshole. But only to those who I feel are assholes....

Again, thanks for the feedback, I'm completely new here and I don't generally write rhymes (I'm a singer/songwriter and guitarist) so it's good to see what people think of my attempt at hip-hop style lyricism. If you could elaborate a little more than "you're talking shit" though, it would be of a lot more help.

I'm feeling the idea, this a good spoken word type flow on some acapella tip