Hip Hop Forum

I feel like some votes received are full of hate,
lames pissed bcuz they lose...like they weren't gonna get baked/

end up with a broken face...for crossin SMALLS foul,
get shook up...and dunked on like that boy Yao/

stuck in the clouds...blowin cali's finest,
crown me your highest...my level you shouldn't try it/

legendary quotes...exploding from my throat,
mention my name...thats greatness you just spoke/

sick and twisted...deadly and demented,
rippin lames apart...yall kids just don't know the business/

for instants...over your head...my punches take flight,
wordplay is sharp as a road spike...im Muhamed Ali when it comes to a lyrical fight/

creative...couragous...dope emcee,
hot boxin a gold M3...with a local triple OG/

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This was alright, seems like you just started writing
need to up your vocab a lot, and work on your multi's
this kind of style is easy to do but you just need to know what your gonna say
I mean lines like "speak my name, and you just said greatness"
or whatever was cool...like in the 90's, try to get a lil' slicker with that
you'll figure it out sometime

remove just from your fourth bar

5th bar add so before demented much better multi and again remove just

final bar switch these, "hot boxin a gold M3...with a local triple OG/"

pretty nice for a free, try to keep your bars even keep drop more you can only get better

thanks for the feedback...i appreciate all tips...

I enjoyed it man. it sounds more like a song rather than a written. So it had that audio flow to it.

[ Post made via iPhone ]

yeah...i do a lot of recording...I used to do this text shit all the time acouple of years ago...but I got more serious with recording...good lookin on the feedback tho...

not bad hommie keep it up