Hip Hop Forum

Deep, good use of vocab and flows really well.
Liking the piece as a whole.

The path they choose is simple, I'm gonna pound the pavement
With a sound adjacent to tracks from the past that found amazement

Dopeness right here^^

i liked this it was like a ghetto gospel, an urban narrative if you will.


real gritty wordplay,, and rhyme scheme


liked the multis and the whole piece matter of fact..

keep rhyming

damn this was deep and a great read... i guess i should read writtens more often... this was easy to follow... i liked this man... i'd like to hear it on audio!!!

http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/lawgi ... 25376.html

wow nice use of words...i like how alot of the multi's played out...im personally into these types of concepts ..its all tru talk , and pwople who are really trying to do this music thing should be able to appreciate that...props a nice read imo...


you had a str8 forward style on this ...not bad ..

I hate it's rooted so deep by these superficial dudes with whistles
Blowing foul shit about shooting pistols and chewing missiles
The path they choose is simple, I'm gonna pound the pavement
With a sound adjacent to tracks from the past that found amazement
^^^
this gave me something to think about.i liked these lines best...keep doin ya thing .

oh yeah >>> http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/this- ... 24689.html holla

Thanks alot for the feed everyone. I really appreciate it and I'm glad everyone seems to really dig the message I was getting across here.

This was a smooth piece my dude...the rhymes flowed nicely
the multi usage was consistent and you delivered a dope idea
I was feeling a majority of the beginning then it switched up a little in the middle
but twas still dope...great drop my dude

Thanks alot for the feedback bro. I'm hoping to still get some on this piece. I see alot of views, but not very many responses...

I want to create a movement with the bass and use it
To face the music of a life considered lame and useless

starting the verse nice

To anyone not in this game that's ruthless, totally insane and proven
It doesn't play by rules, shit, if you think it does you're crazy foolish

this was cool multi wise

I hate it's rooted so deep by these superficial dudes with whistles
Blowing foul shit about shooting pistols and chewing missiles

Picking it up

The path they choose is simple, I'm gonna pound the pavement
With a sound adjacent to tracks from the past that found amazement

Multis on point, flow good

In the ears of every town that played it when the day lit
Throughout the grave shifts until they become profoundly famous

word, keeping it consistent ^

Within every crowd who played it, I'll cross every lake and highway
Even if in every state the light fades and I'm forced to make it sideways

Nice.

Because you want to have my pride break, I'll travel to hell and back
To sell my craft and tell you that in life I fucking failed and crashed

reminds me of linkin park for some reason, Nice, consistent

The weight on my shoulders caused my belt to crack, I felt the strap
Pop and snap, leaving welts so rash I've slowly believed the task

this was cool

Is too much, but I see the wall and know I'm scaling that completely
Maybe putting myself through this pain will crucify and defeat me

Word

Though I feel it completes me, and the passion from within feeds me
So I'm constantly eating, reaping the rewards I'm still not seeing

Picked it back up, Nice

But believe me, I'm reading this book til I'm done, it's like looking for love
Run each foot into nubs, I'll do what I need to, push comes to shove

Tough, Bar's hard.

Let a fisher put a boat hook through a lung, let death be daring me
To give my every breath to charity if my soul will be left with clarity

this was cool

If no girl I met would marry me, I'd go til my feet were blistered and bruised
My voice reduced to a whisper, it's true, as long as I get a listen from you

Nice, another standout one

I'd take a trip to the moon, the ghettos to the porches of suburbs
Scorching in deserts, each morning get the word to the corners of the Earth
Til the day rain starts pouring from the dirt, in all the towns, every home
I'll take my sound to every road, shoes to the ground as I'm pounding the soles

First bar of this was Nice, the end was smooth


Overall this was a pretty good piece, you had your ups and downs
but the stand out parts, were standout. Just spot on Nice.

I liked this, Keep it up

I want to create a movement with the bass and use it
To face the music of a life considered lame and useless
off to a good start
To anyone not in this game that's ruthless, totally insane and proven
It doesn't play by rules, shit, if you think it does you're crazy foolish
I hate it's rooted so deep by these superficial dudes with whistles
Blowing foul shit about shooting pistols and chewing missiles
cool set of bars
The path they choose is simple, I'm gonna pound the pavement
With a sound adjacent to tracks from the past that found amazement
tbh with you i am not sure if you mean to bring back hiphop to where it was before the white guy or just you plan on not rapping about guns it flows well so far and your use of multies is cool i am just not clear on where you truly are here
In the ears of every town that played it when the day lit
Throughout the grave shifts until they become profoundly famous
Within every crowd who played it, I'll cross every lake and highway
Even if in every state the light fades and I'm forced to make it sideways
Because you want to have my pride break, I'll travel to hell and back
To sell my craft and tell you that in life I fucking failed and crashed
this is cool
The weight on my shoulders caused my belt to crack, I felt the strap
Pop and snap, leaving welts so rash I've slowly believed the task
Is too much, but I see the wall and know I'm scaling that completely
Maybe putting myself through this pain will crucify and defeat me
these sucked
Though I feel it completes me, and the passion from within feeds me
So I'm constantly eating, reaping the rewards I'm still not seeing
dont like this either


Run each foot into nubs, I'll do what I need to, push comes to shove
shoulda put when between to and push still its your best line
you have a real gimmicky flow for the content to taking it back to grassroots hip hop and the rest sucked overall it was a fun read

be easy

All feed is appreciated.

i just read how i ended that just got tired of typing that sounded harsh what i mean is you had a solid piece the reason i didnt like the end is this

"If no girl I met would marry me, I'd go til my feet were blistered and bruised
My voice reduced to a whisper, it's true, as long as I get a listen from you"

real needy instantly you became uncool that is where i woulda stopped listening

but overall as a whole this is a very solid piece i just happen to know what i like doesnt matter if good or not if i dont like thats what it is and it was a fun read

i like it sounds good a very nice read